


Koibitokibun

by Akaicchi



Series: Wakatta [2]
Category: Persona 4
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Exes, Family Drama, First Dates, First Love, Fluff, Guilt, Intimacy, M/M, Moving In Together, New Relationship, POV First Person, Small Towns, Wakatta Verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-07 09:10:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 23,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12837951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akaicchi/pseuds/Akaicchi
Summary: The first few months of Kanji and Ryou's relationship. The sequel to WakaranAi. "Koibitokibun" is the feeling of being in a new relationship.Topics include: telling friends and family about them, Kanji moving in, intimacy, guilt, how the town reacts, Nanako at school, and prison phone calls from Adachi. There is a lot going on for them right from the start!





	1. Chapter One: Ryou

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by Milligramme!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of their relationship!

Chapter One: Ryou

We’re back to where we started. _Sort of._

I offered to have all the kids over for a lunch for the graduated kouhai. The detective, the idol, and my nephew are all coming into town.

I wonder why—

_How._

_I wonder how I'm able to do this._ To play-act like everything is fine and dandy when I feel like a piece of shit on the inside.

I know this must be wrong because I feel the need to hide my relationship with Kanji until the others go back home. The fact I don’t want him telling his friends is a sign I can’t really ignore.

We're having takeout. _It's always takeout with these kids._

When I hear the bell, I open the door. It's Kanji, already. He's carrying a gigantic backpack—The type for hiking, I think.

"I gave you your key back," I tell him in measured words.

He stares at me, questioning. "I got the feeling Yuu doesn't know. I didn't want to make things difficult if..."

 _Correct._ I sigh. "He doesn't know yet." I glance at the bag again. _He will now. Does Kanji think he's simply moving in today?!_

"How did you manage that on the bike?" I ask instead.

Kanji grins smugly. "It wasn't easy."

"Who's there?" we hear Yuu call. Kanji hastily grabs my hand and shoves something inside.

"It's Kanji," I yell back into the house, wondering what the hell he's given me. He shakes his head so I put it in my pocket.

"Give me _that_." I make Kanji hand over his stuff, but end up dropping it. "Jeez!" I gasp. " _Dammit_ —What's in here?!"

"A lot..." Kanji scratches the back of his neck nervously and I grunt, picking the backpack up again.

"Here Uncle, let me," Yuu steps in and struggles about as much as I did. Kanji looks on, embarrassed. "D-do you want it in my room?" my nephew manages after the two of us lift the bag together, one arm each.

I shake my head. "Kanji, you know where to put it—Just take it back." He nods and brings it upstairs. I hear the door to my room slide open and rub my forehead. _This is going to be a bigger headache than I imagined._

"Did he...?" Yuu trails off.

"Can we talk about it later?" I warily ask. "Nanako will be home soon."

Yuu thankfully lets the situation rest after that. Kanji bounds back down the stairs, excited and thanking us for our—not quite—help.

The afternoon goes well. Everyone packs into the living room and jams around the low table, spilling out into the rest of the house and even the deck. I take the couch to stay out of the fray.

I end up shoved into the corner, sliding further and further away from the loud, celebrating kids. Kanji walks over with coffee, just as the skinny blond one almost sits right on me!

"Ted, careful!" Kanji scolds. The boy apologizes and scampers off to chat with someone else. I'm passed my mug and Kanji sips from his. "You all right?" he asks me, looking like he wants to laugh even though it would be rude.

"Yes," I sigh. "It's crowded."

"They're taking the party to Junes soon, though. Don't worry," he smiles and quickly pats my arm.

I let out a deep breath. "Thank god..."

When we’re finally alone, Kanji comes right over and hugs me. “I missed you,” he says, as if confessing something I didn’t already know.

“I missed you too,” I reply, still cautious about embracing him back.

He leans down to kiss me and of course we hear “Oooh~” from the doorway.

I jump away from him and Kanji rolls his eyes. It’s the blond boy again.

“Uh Ted,” Kanji starts. “You’re not gonna tell anyone you saw this, right?” His eyes plead with the other kid.

“No, don’t worry!” the boy grins. He grabs a can of soda and runs back out of the house.

“I trust him,” Kanji nods.

_I don’t._

“Why don’t you go along with them?” I question. “I can clean up myself. It’s your last day to be a kid,” I joke.

“Naah,” Kanji drags out the word, looking sheepish. “I don’t need that. I quit being a kid when my dad died.”

_Well that effectively grinds all my arguments to a halt._

“A-alright then,” I reply. “I suppose you can help me pick up.”

“You got it!” he enthusiastically grins, not even caring that he mentioned something that sounded so sad.

I'm thankful for the help, and it's nice to talk for a while by ourselves. _I need to ask about—_

"That large bag," I broach the subject after we're sitting down on the porch to cool off, hoping he'll let me in on whatever's going through his head.

"Heh~" he laughs. "Yeah, I got little carried away. I'm not going to start working until next week, so I thought I'd stay here until then."

"Are you sure you're not just moving in?" I raise my eyebrows.

He laughs more nervously. "W-well..." Kanji takes a breath and bangs his hands on his knees. "I'm going to be smart about this. I've drawn up my five-year plan and I thought we could discuss it tomorrow morning."

I shake my head, amazed. _He hasn't even been out a single day..._

"Wha-what?" he demands, looking upset. "You don't wanna do that?" Kanji presses.

"No," I chuckle. "I'd like that. It'll give us a better idea of what the hell we think we're doing." Kanji grins and I slap his back. "It's good to plan everything out. I'm only surprised you've done it so quickly."

"I had a lot of time to myself," he glares. "You making me go home early and all."

I rest my hand on his shoulder now. "I told you what I needed and you respected that. I'm happy. It makes me feel better about this—About _us_."

“Did you see?” he then asks me, lighting up.

“See what?”

“What I gave you...” he motions to his chest and I frown, confused.

I reach into my pocket. It’s a button.

_Oh hell—_

_It’s his second button, isn’t it?_

Kanji grins, not embarrassed at all. “I wanted to give it to you.”

“Th-thanks,” I reply, trying not to roll my eyes. _This is so cliché._

 _—That’s so like Kanji._ I smile at the thought.

We sit for a while, enjoying the evening. "Let's go inside," I finally suggest. "I'll clear space for your things."

"It's convenient—" Kanji acknowledges as we climb the stairs. "That we already have similar schedules."

I agree. Then I'm sliding open my door and I can see Kanji's giant bag near the dresser. I walk over and clean out a drawer—It only takes a minute to consolidate my own things. I tell him he can have the half of the closet I never took over.

Kanji nods, seeming pleased. He puts a few pairs of clothes away and then refastens his backpack and leaves it near the door.

"What else is in there?" I question, curious.

"Work," he laughs. "You know I'm going to work at the store. I was thinking I could take over the space behind the couch? Where you leave junk you don't wanna put away?"

I snort. "Yeah, we can clean it off."

"Cool," Kanji replies. "I'd like to get some small drawers or organizers for up there this week."

I sit down for a minute; surprised this is all happening. _Honestly_ happening. "We're really doing this?" I question.

Kanji shrugs. "You haven't said 'no' or told me to take my crap home. When you said I could start staying over again after graduation, I assumed..."

"It worked out when you stayed over so often before..." I nod. "You had it right,” I affirm. “It's going quickly, is all." I look up at the tall guy. "You're very together." I speak more quietly for my next admission: "I'm not used to that."

" _Get_ used to it!" he grins and cracks his knuckles. "We're gonna get you in better shape, too. No more living minute-to-minute. You're going to need to plan."

_That's probably a good thing._

Kanji changes into thin pants and a tank top. "Okay! Tomorrow’s important, we'll be figuring this all out. I'm going to bed." He leaves to wash up and put more things in the bathroom, and then lies right down, looking completely comfortable here—With me.

I get this surge of affection for the easy way Kanji's seemed to adapt. _To the way he's already planning everything with me in mind._

I change, too and lay down next to him, still kind of shocked. I motion that it's alright if he wants to lean on me and Kanji rests his head and arm over my chest.

It's cute until I realize he's hugging me a little too tightly and I can't reach the light. I call his name, but Kanji's completely asleep.

I swear when I hear Nanako and Yuu downstairs. _I had been hoping to be asleep by now. I don't particularly want to deal with Yuu about this._

I hear Nanako go to her room and close the door. I hope Yuu will do the same, but I can hear his footsteps coming down the hall. _I don't like being trapped like this—_

There's a knock at the door. "Is Kanji in there?" Yuu calls.

"He's asleep," I reply, trying for the cord one more time. "Can you talk tomorrow?"

"I'd rather talk to him tonight."

I sigh. "Just get in here—I can't even reach the damn light."

Yuu slides the door open and snickers. "And here I was worried about _Kanji_."

"Ha ha," I sarcastically tell him. "He doesn't wake up."

My nephew squats down a little ways away from me. "I have a few questions for _you_ ," he says, narrowing his eyes.

"Ask away," I snort. I gesture at Kanji, who's snoring and sleeping like a sack of bricks. "I can't go anywhere."

"True," Yuu folds his hands and smiles in a jeering way. "Get what you wanted?"

I groan. " _This hasn't been going on for long._ I told him not until—Well, not until _today_. He seemed to take that very seriously."

"It looked as if he was moving in," Yuu responds, frowning. "But it 'hasn't been going on long'?"

"He's been harassing me," I sigh. "Wouldn't let this go once it came up. Kanji's... _Persistent_."

Yuu nods, agreeing. "Who started it?"

" _That's_ a childish question," I admonish. He's unamused. " _Me_ , alright?" I hiss. "Is that what you wanna hear?"

I try to push Kanji away again, but he's really hanging onto me. "This is _serious_ ," I say, giving up on moving. " _He's_ serious. _I'm_ trying to keep up. I want to see what happens, so please let us be."

My nephew sighs and rocks back on his heels. "I'll have similar questions for my friend tomorrow."

"Fine. By all means—You can even ask Nanako how long he's been sleeping up here. You'll get the same answers." I give him a stony look. "Trust me on this. I'm not going to hurt Kanji."

"Okay," Yuu says and starts for the door.

" _Wait_ ," I hiss. "Shut the light for me!"

He looks back over his shoulder. "I trust you to handle it!" the brat smiles and closes the door behind himself.

_Dammit. This is not going as planned._


	2. Chapter Two: Kanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanji goes over his five-year plan, then talks to Yuu. Then the guys tell Kanji's mom, in a sort of unplanned fashion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glad to see you back for the second chapter~ :D

Chapter Two: Kanji

I'm up before Ryou, though I wake him once I've oriented myself.

"Get up," I shake his shoulder.

"Wha— _Huh_?" he questions, blinking. He sees me staring and closes his eyes again.

I smile. "C'mon. We have stuff to talk about."

Ryou opens one eye and I laugh. I kiss him and he frowns, but sits up. "How are you awake before me?"

I shrug. "Dunno. But let's go." I heft my bag while he grabs his cigarettes and matches.

Downstairs, I rest my pack near the couch, taking out the notebook I wrote everything down in. Ryou puts on coffee and hands me a bowl of cold soup.

When he's sitting, I start explaining my ideas. "First, I'd like to keep staying here."

Ryou waves his hand. "Done. I figured," he yawns and lights a cigarette. "What else?"

"I'll be working at the shop. I'll leave early to be here when Nanako gets home, but you have to get back earlier, too."

"What would be the _point_ if I didn't?" he scoffs.

"All right!" I nod. "I'm going to save for a van, to make deliveries. Can we find somewhere to put it?"

This time, Ryou sighs, smoke flying everywhere. "I don't see why we can't find a solution. For now, just take my car. I don't care as long as you drop me off, and take Nanako when the weather is bad."

"I don't think I could—”

"Kanji," he sighs. "Just use the damn thing. I probably don't need it. I take the cruisers for patrol at work."

"Fine," I let it go. _It would be a big help..._

 _I know he really isn't going to like this next one, though._ "You own your house, right?"

Ryou nods. "Yeah, why?" He ashes his cigarette nonchalantly, looking around the room.

"Then I won't insist on paying rent, but I _will_ cover half the bills. Give me an estimate I can put down."

"Oh for crying out loud!" Ryou puts his head in his hands. "You're not paying for half of Nanako."

"Are we equal or not?" I gibe.

He frowns and shakes his head at me. "You are one thorough _pain_ , Kanji."

"L-last question," I nervously start, ignoring his comment. " _This i-is a five-year plan..."_

"Mmhmm." Ryou sips his coffee, looking distrustful at whatever else I'm going to pull over on him. He puts the cigarette out and stares me down.

"If we're still together in five years, I wanna get married."

Ryou's eyes go wide and I think he's going to spit out the coffee, but he swallows with some difficulty. "Is this your little version of 'please date me with marriage in mind'?"

“Like in manga?” I shrug. "I guess so."

"Don't spring that on a guy—” he sighs, rubbing his forehead. "But yes. We can talk about it." I feel myself smiling and Ryou rolls his eyes. "Anything else?"

I shake my head, but then stop, feeling anxious. He gestures for me to go on. "I'm going to tell my Ma soon. I feel guilty I haven't. I—I think she probably suspects."

"You and me both," he mutters. "You want to have her over for dinner?"

I nod. "I think that'd be good. Show her we're on the up and up." I pause. "I could pick up some more of my stuff, if you wanna come with me..."

"Of course. I won't leave you alone for this," Ryou nods and I manage a smile. "Go take a shower and we'll head out. She's up, right?"

"Y-yeah," I reply, a tight ball of nerves. I close my notebook and walk around the table to go back upstairs. _I feel so jittery all of a sudden._

I feel Ryou grab my hand. "Hey," he mumbles. "It's okay. _Relax_ —We can wait if you want. It doesn't have to be today."

Nodding quickly, I try to pull away. He gives my hand a squeeze and smiles gently. "You're the one who's in such a rush. I'm fine taking this all slow." Ryou pulls me closer, and I tentatively put my arm around him like a hug.

_Happy I can finally do this. I like it._

I sigh loudly and Ryou chuckles. "Don't get overly worked up about things we can control. It's up to us who we tell, and when."

"What's going on?" I hear from by the stairs. Yuu is staring at us, looking skeptical.

"Mornin'," I tell him, self-consciously letting go of Ryou and trying to smile.

"Though _he_ might know," Ryou mutters, not letting go of my hand.

Yuu picks his mug off the shelf and pours himself a cup of coffee. "Can we all talk?"

I nod and Ryou kicks out the chair next to himself for me. "What's up?" I ask my old senpai.

"I have to hear it from you, Kanji," Yuu candidly admits. "This is what you want?"

"Yes," I declare. "I really like him. I wanna live here with Ryou, and Nanako."

"Alright," Yuu sips his coffee and flicks his gaze between us.

When I look over, Ryou's turning red and attempting to hide it by resting his face on his palm. " _C-cute_ ," I can't help muttering. That makes it worse, and Ryou lays his head on the table. Yuu laughs.

"I'd say you should let me know if you have any problems, but it looks like you have this under control," my friend recognizes. "You've really been down here discussing the future since I heard you get up around five?"

" _Yes_ ," Ryou responds, sounding annoyed. "His planning is next-level insane."

Yuu smiles warmly at me and I grin back. "Don't worry—I'll take good care of him!" I bow.

Ryou grimaces. "Oh for fucks' sake..." Then he turns serious. "Yuu," he begins. "Please keep this to yourself. We'll come up for a visit at some point, but right now only you know. We're telling Tatsumi today, and Nanako is next."

My friend nods, looking a little worried. "Good luck," he tells us.

We drive over to my house before lunch. I called my mom and she wanted to feed us, so we'll eat there after loading more of my stuff into the trunk.

Parking behind the store, in the driveway, Ryou turns to me and sighs. "Like I said, you don't have to do this today."

"I got it," I defensively declare. "I'll take care of it."

We walk into the house and I call out that we're here. My mom says to go ahead and load up the car and we can talk during lunch. _Smells like stir fry!_

I grin at Ryou and lead him up to my room. I hear him smack his forehead when he sees that everything is already packed up.

"Kanji," Ryou folds his arms. "You _think_ she suspects?" he sighs. "Just 'think'. You look like you've been packed since—"

" _Yeah_ ," I cut him off. "I've been ready for a while."

Ryou shakes his head, looking embarrassed. "Wh-which things should we start with?"

I point to the two boxes that have my clothes. "Those are probably important. Then weights, and last is whatever other craft stuff you think we can fit in your house without it being messy."

We work methodically and It takes even less time than I expect. Soon we're sitting down with my mom.

"You're taking everything, hmm?" she remarks.

I catch Ryou smiling apologetically and I roll my eyes. _Now’s the time._

"Uh, Ma," I start and she gives me her full attention. "Would you like to come over for dinner this week?"

"Alright," she agrees. "I would like to see where you'll be living."

"Good! I'll cook and—”

"No," Ryou interrupts me, glancing between my mother and I. "I'll—I'll pick something up for the occasion."

My mom raises her eyebrows and I can tell he's tripped some sort of flag. They lock eyes and I don't like the tension—

" _We're seeing each other!_ " I blurt and my mom turns back to me. "Ryou and I— _Yeah_ —Since yesterday." Ryou plants his hands on the table and looks nervous, like he wants to bolt for the door, but I push on. "We decided a while ago we want to see if it would work out, so that's what this is."

Now Ryou's leaning down like he's trying to bow and my mom's squeezing her eyes shut. " _Okay_ —Okay, that's what I thought," my mom says, and she is definitely not happy. " _Get up_ , Dojima," she snaps at Ryou and he straightens. "That's not even a real bow."

He starts to stand up to try again and she makes a pitying face, like he's an idiot. "You should've told me the truth, Kanji. I'm not here to judge you," she says, looking more hurt, but also angry. "Though I'll judge _him_." Mom shoots another sharp look at Ryou.

He flinches, looking like an animal caught in front of a car. "I'm..." He starts to say something, but it dies when he gets a more pissed look this time.

"How long ago did you simply ' _decide_ '," I'm asked. Ma's set down her chopsticks and is watching me closely. Ryou has abandoned his usual, easy attitude and is a model of decorum.

"Maybe a month?" I reply, nodding. "Yup—We just talked it out," I tell her. "I told him I liked him and he said we could give it a shot after graduation. I was already staying over all the time, anyway. So I started bringing my stuff yesterday."

My mother studies me. _I don't think she's buying it was that easy. I'm getting this feeling like she's gonna kick Ryou's ass before he can make it to the door._

"Tell me you'll come over?" I ask, frowning. "I'd really appreciate it if you would."

"Yes," she eventually tells me.

I sigh in relief and start to eat again. The other two stare at me as if it's ridiculous I can eat at a time like this.

"S’really good," I say, swallowing what's in my mouth. My mom smiles thinly. "...Sorry..."

"I'm not mad at you, Kanji," she tells me, clearly frustrated.

"It's my—” Ryou tries again but another glare shuts him up. He shakes his head and sits with his hands folded, waiting.

I look between those two people I really care about. "I know what I'm doing," I assert myself. "I like him a lot." My mom frowns and I don't bother looking at whatever expression Ryou's making—Can guess from earlier. "So please accept this."

"For now," my mom grudgingly agrees.

Her and I start eating and Ryou silently joins us when I nudge him. After the food's gone, we get back into the car to head home.

Ryou drives far enough from the house and pulls over. He leans back in his seat and lets out a loud moan. "I thought my heart was going to explode!!" He smacks his forehead. "I thought I was a dead man!"

I laugh and he looks at me, still seeming almost scared. I stop. "It's okay," I tell him. "We did it."

"Yeah," he nods, hand still grabbing at his chest.

When he's caught his breath, he abruptly leans over and drags me to him. "Jeez—You're a real pain in the ass—Going to get me _murdered_..."

I smack his side, and Ryou lets go and sighs. He looks me in the eye for a minute before leaning in to kiss me.

I smile against his lips. "Worth it."

Ryou chuckles and then we’re driving again. Heading for home.


	3. Chapter Three: Ryou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys talk about feelings.

Chapter Three: Ryou

I’m at work when my boss decides to harass me: "Rumor has it that the Tatsumi boy is living with you."

 _Word travels fast._ I try not to frown. "Yeah? Says who?" I quip.

"I double-checked with his _mother_ ," Sakamoto replies.

"Oh," I mentally backpedal. "You ah—" The man frowns. "Look, _is there a problem_?" I level. "Is someone talking crap? What is it?"

Sakamoto sighs. "It's... _Unexpected_."

"That's all?" I demand. "Why worry me with that somber tone?"

"People are talking. Word is he moved in the day of graduation, but was staying over often before then."

"If you've got something to say to me Sakamoto, do it directly." My old friend doesn't speak. " _Oi_ —Don't make implications and then clam up."

He sighs. "Did you do anything stupid?"

I shake my head, maintaining eye contact.

"I'm asking as your _friend_ , Ryou."

"Not that it changes my answer—But be my friend off the clock, yeah?" I tell him.

"When are you free?" Sakamoto pulls out his planner, looking annoyed.

"I _was_ free," I glare. "I was ' _free_ ' when my wife died. I was _terribly_ ' _free_ ' when my partner was taken in on murder charges. In the near future?" I spit. "I've finally got a nice family to go home to— _So no thanks_."

I turn back before opening the door. "Oh, and I'll be taking those shortened hours you keep trying to push on me. Starting today."

Leaving as early as I promised, I walk to the textile shop. From down the road, I can see that Kanji's sitting outside, talking to someone while he knits.

When I get closer, I realize it's the blond boy. They both wave.

"You're early!" Kanji grins, stuffing his things into a bag. "You cut your hours like I wanted."

I nod. "I did. Can you leave early?"

"Mhmm," he hums, standing up to hug me. "I'll see you later, Ted!"

He high fives the kid and I follow him inside. It looks he same as always. I glance around, my eyes passing over the various goods I've watched Kanji make by hand.

"What do you do all day?" I ask him.

"You know," Kanji replies, packing his things. "Sell, take orders, I do deliveries now, organize... That kinda stuff. I can only work on projects when there's downtime or at home."

I nod. "Is—Is your mom in?" I question, a little nervous to run into her again so soon.

"Yeah—Ma!!" Kanji hollers and I cringe. Tatsumi walks in form another room and says "hello". "I'm taking off, okay? I put everything in order and sold two of the keychains and a pair of socks. I phoned for more fibers and checked on the dyes."

"Very good," she praises him. "I'll see you tomorrow, son." Tatsumi smiles thinly, clearly still not used to him officially living with myself and Nanako.

"Have a good evening," I tell her as we walk out the door. Tatsumi watches us closely as we leave. "Doesn't trust me," I nervously chuckle to Kanji.

"She will," he smiles.

I let him drive us home, and Kanji insists on holding my hand for the short walk to the door. _It's... Ridiculously cute._

He unlocks the door and we take off our shoes inside. I leave my work on top of the shoe cabinet, sure I won't bother with it until after dinner; if at all. I'd rather spend the time with him and Nanako. _I wasn't lying. I've been enjoying building a family again._

_Kanji's been cultivating this since he first began coming over and now he's truly one of us._

_I've missed this. I wanted someone to love again—Someone to rely on and who will rely on me. It's..._

_It makes me feel stronger. More complete._

"Kanji I've—” I sigh and run a hand through my hair. "Today it hit me just how lonely I've been for so long. How people preferred to pretend I was fine so they wouldn't have to deal with me." He turns to me and smiles sadly.

I lean towards Kanji, pressing him against the counter. "How much I've been hurt and been through. I wasn't sure if I would be able to handle a relationship like this. But with you, it's so easy. You _make it_ so easy."

"You saying you're with me just cause you're lonely?" Kanji edgily questions, his eyes flicking around.

"The opposite!" I exclaim. I thread my fingers through his, bringing his hand up to kiss it. "You're one of the few people who really sees me for _me_."

He grins crookedly. "Just returning the favor—You always liked the real me."

"I have," I affirm, leaning forward to kiss him.

"You make me feel..." I trail off, moving my lips along his jawline. " _Not_ lonely."

Kanji laughs. "You're so good with your words today," he playfully teases.

"Good thing I can speak with more than words," I quip, hooking my fingers into the side of his jeans. That's all it takes for his legs to practically buckle, and it's my turn to snicker. "That seemed to work."

His waist is so high— _He's so tall! A few inches more than myself._

I barely have to lift Kanji to sit him on the counter, but it's unfortunately still a struggle. _He's all heavy muscle..._

Noticing my embarrassment, Kanji bites back his laughter. "What?" he taunts. "Don't you work out?"

" _Oh_ no!" I snort. "My workout is walking all over town making nice with everyone—And maybe punching kouhai."

"Really?" he replies, kicking the cabinet with his feet. "Lemme show you my weights later—You don't use your basement. We should get a punching bag!! Then you won't need to be smacking everyone else around." He mimes some jabs and I duck out of the way. "Get out some of your aggression!"

"How about for now," I start, trailing off and resting my hands on his thighs.

"Hmm?" Kanji innocently hums, looking down at me.

I can't read him— _Does he even know that I want to touch him?_

"What's up?" Kanji smiles kindly at me. "You're spacing out, man!"

_...I can do this, can't I?_

"What is it?" he repeats, rubbing the back of my head and pulling me closer. "I thought you were gonna do something..."

I swallow back my anxiety. "You want me to?"

Kanji nods. "Well _yeah_ —I like you." He turns a little red. "A lot," he mumbles.

I let him bring my face back to his and he closes his eyes when I kiss him again— _It's adorable. He's..._

 _He's_ adorable.

_Still such a punk. But also very cute and sweet._

Now he's gripping my back; has got his legs wrapped around me. I caress his neck and Kanji draws in a sharp breath.

I slip my hand under his shirt and Kanji follows my lead, seeming a little confused that mine is tucked in. I smirk and yank it out of my pants, then pull away to undo the buttons.

Kanji stares at me in a longing way I definitely like. "Is this alright?" I ask, suddenly feeling almost shy. "You'd tell me if it wasn't," I say, trying to make it sound more like a statement than a question.

I pull away from Kanji for a minute, trying to asses if this is good. He looks distressed, as if he's worried I'm going to be angry about something. "What?" I gently try, rubbing the side of his head. _Does he not like this?_

_Did I do something wrong?_

_—Why am I so anxious?_

Kanji shakes his head. "No, it's," he stammers a little. "I—I _love_ you."

_Huh?_

_...What?_

"You," I frown a little. " _Love me?_ "

He nods, seeming unsure if I love him. _Of course I do._

_How could I not?_

_My feelings have been fueled by so many things—The way he treats me. The way he is with Nanako. Our constant proximity._

_All of it has built to this; to what we have now._

" _I love you too_ ," I whisper and lean in to kiss his cheek.


	4. Chapter Four: Ryou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanji's mom comes by for a visit!

Chapter Four: Ryou

"Ryou..." Kanji shoves me towards the sink. _There's my electric razor on the counter and I don't like the look in his eyes._

"W-what is it?" I ask, trying to smile.

He looks like he feels a little bad—But not enough. "Shave," Kanji tells me. "I've had it."

"Noooo," I complain, rubbing my chin. "You don't like it? I don't look handsome?"

Kanji grimaces. "You look _dirty_."

"I _am_ dirty!" I try to joke. He isn't laughing.

"Homeless," Kanji corrects. "You look _homeless_." He blocks the doorway with folded arms. "My Ma's coming."

_Checkmate._

" _Fine_ ," I mutter and start up the razor.

I shave my sort-of beard down to skin and Kanji nods approvingly. "Thanks," he says, poking my cheek. "Y-you—” He starts to walk away. "Looks good."

I snort, shaking my head while I put away the razor. "Long as you're happy," I tease, smirking.

"I am!" Kanji yells. "Everybody will like it. Don't worry."

"I'm not _worried_ ," I scoff. "It's just not _me_." I rub my chin, scowling at the good amount of stubble dusting the counter. "I haven't really shaved since..."

Kanji must know what I'm getting at, because he wanders back over and hugs me from behind; leans his chin in my shoulder. "Hnn," I intone. "Don't get mopey on me. I'm fine."

"Yeah?" he asks. "Cause that sounded pretty sad to me."

"Don't," I sigh. "Don't worry. Today's going to be a good day. We'll show your mom this is a good situation."

He nods and nuzzles his cheek against my freshly-shaved face. "Yeah."

"Now let's get ready. We're going to talk to Nanako too, right?"

Kanji agrees, and once we're done getting ready, we discuss tactics. Kanji is adamant about asking her what she thinks is happening first— _He says that she's smarter than I think. He says she probably already has this all worked out in her head._

He leaves the bedroom door open while he organizes some of his possessions that have stayed packed. I lean out the balcony and smoke, waiting to see if Nanako'll take the bait.

She does. We don't have to wait long for her to wander into the room and start asking Kanji questions.

"All of your stuff is staying here now?" Nanako runs her fingers over the kimono he's hanging on the wall above the dresser.

"Yup," he smiles. "Is that okay with you?"

Nanako seems surprised that her opinion is welcome. "Mm-hmm," she finally agrees. "I like that you've been staying here."

A smile spreads across Kanji's face. "Really?" he says, a dopey expression taking over.

I snicker and then cough, trying to hide it. They turn to me, and Nanako is suddenly putting two and two together. "Do you love Kanji?" she asks me. "Is that why he's moving in?"

Kanji nods from behind her, looking completely love-struck. I almost laugh again, but remember my daughter is studying me very seriously. "Yes," I tell her, blowing smoke out the door. "Are you alright with that?"

Nanako whirls back around to Kanji and smiles. "I love you, too!"

He grins at her until she asks is she can call him "niichan", like Yuu. Then his eyes go wide and he shakes his head a bunch of times.

"No," I interrupt. "That's not who he is." They both look over at me and I take another pull on my cigarette. "Think of Kanji more like me—He's like a parent, alright?"

I see Kanji and Nanako exchange a glance before tentatively agreeing. "You have to listen to him," I tell my daughter. Kanji throws his arms up on the air as if that's not how he wants to handle things.

"I _do_ listen to Kanji," Nanako affirms, folding her arms. "He's smart."

I smile— _Can't help agreeing._

"His mom's coming over for lunch today, so make sure you treat him _extra_ well," I remark, stubbing out my cigarette. Nanako bristles and Kanji moans.

"She _does_!" he complains.

Nanako makes a derisive noise and tells me to make sure I listen to my own advice. My eyes widen as she turns on her heel and walks out of the room.

"Why would you do that?!" Kanji grumbles.

"I said it because she's been getting an attitude," I mutter. "Like _that_."

He walks over and gets in my face. "Now she's _never_ gonna listen to me again!! Do you get kids at all?!"

I draw back. _No. I don't—_

_Can't tell him that. She's not even his kid._

"Aww," Kanji sighs, clearly reading whatever I'm showing in my expression. "Sorry... I didn't mean it like that." He scrunches up his face like he feels badly for admonishing me.

Kanji grabs my hand and squeezes it a few times, as if he's trying to put all of his feelings into this simple expression of our connection. "We're gonna be fine," he quietly tells me.

I run a hand through my hair. "I hope so."

An hour later finds us all four sitting around the table with the food I ran out to pick up. Of course Nanako and Tatsumi are getting along splendid, though she's still a bit cold to me. _I can wait it out._

_She'll come around when she can see we're good together. Just need to give it time._

I make sure not to be overly nice, while still doing little things—Like serving her first or prompting Nanako to show her around the house and yard. Kanji insists on getting everything ready, so I'm left with plenty of time for subtle sucking-up.

Nanako finally breaks me when she angles to call Tatsumi by a grandparent title. I almost spit out my food, choking instead to cut her off. _She can't be more than ten years older than myself!_

I brace for a scolding, and even Kanji looks bewildered that Nanako would be so bold. But Tatsumi only laughs.

"That's fine, dear," she kindly tells my daughter.

Nanako lights up. "Great!" she enthusiastically replies. "All of my grandparents live far away and... _I_..." She pauses, frowning and glancing at me.

Sure she's going to mention Chisato, I shake my head. Nanako looks sad, and so Kanji encourages her that it's okay; to say whatever it is.

"I really like Kanji," she admits. "And if he's family, then you are too, right?"

"That's what you wanted to say?" I stupidly question.

She nods, giving the Tatsumis a timid look. "I thought it would be okay."

"This is all moving quickly for me," Tatsumi sighs. "But it's fine. You're always welcome to visit." She smiles kindly at Nanako and my heart seizes up—

_Watching my daughter feel so comfortable around these people..._

_It's what I've always wanted. It feels as if my family is whole again._

When the food is gone, Nanako and Tatsumi go for a walk while Kanji and I clean up. He washes the dishes while I carry it all over and dry.

"Went well," Kanji grunts.

I chuckle nervously. "My heart almost stopped a few times."

He shrugs. "It happens with kids. You never know what they're going to say, even when you know them."

I bump our shoulders together. "I don't seem to know what you're going to say, either."

"I got it right though, didn't I?" he asks and I nod. "You need to learn to listen to Nanako more. She's not dumb, she won't do anything bad or embarrassing—I don't think." He cocks his head to the side, considering.

Nanako and Tatsumi return shortly, and the former lets us know they'd gone down to the riverbank. Then she runs up to her room to grab something to show to Kanji’s mom.

Kanji yells for her to bring back something else she was working on in school, then turns to us. "Feel better?" Kanji asks Tatsumi as he dries his hands. "See this is a good place for me?"

She studies me and sighs. "Slightly." I fold my arms and stare back while Kanji's mother sits on the couch and folds her hands, regarding my defensive stance suspiciously. "I don't like this," she candidly admits. Kanji frowns, his eyebrows drawing together in an angry expression.

"Stop that," she waves him off. "You're stubborn and aren't going to listen to me. You're still my son and I still want you to work at the shop. So we'll have to get past this."

"I love Ryou," Kanji adamantly declares.

Tatsumi rolls her eyes. "You _think_ you love him," she snaps. "You're eighteen. You've never dated anyone. You'll forgive me for thinking this is rash."

Kanji swallows and nods tentatively. "I'll prove you wrong, though," he proclaims, stepping forward and taking a seat next to her. "You can tell, can't you?"

"I can't tell anything from this one luncheon," she shakes her head and swats the back of his. "I'll be here again."

I nod once, assenting, and then Nanako is back with the paper Kanji told her to show off. I make us a pot of coffee while Nanako reads a story she wrote. I catch Tatsumi eyeing our matching mugs and I feel very diffident as I pass out the hot drinks.

She thankfully remains silent, but is definitely eyeing the two left unused on the counter. _Probably wondering why I'm not serving her drink in the rest of the set. It does look odd._

_But I can't help keeping these for just us. They're special because..._

I take a seat at the low table and glance at Kanji, who's laughing at something Nanako's said. _They're special because they represent our bond._

I take a drink and smile at my family.


	5. Chapter Five: Ryou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And today we start the arc on intimacy!

Chapter Five: Ryou

I come home late from work today. Nanako’s definitely in bed, now that Kanji’s here to wait up for me. She’s agreed to pass the duty on to him.

He’s watching television on the couch when I walk through the door. “‘Sup?” he calls as I take off my shoes and deposit my bag.

“Long day,” I return, trudging over to sit on the couch with him.

“Right?” he agrees. “I liked you coming home early. This sucks.” He puts his arm around me and asks if I want something to eat.

“No,” I tiredly reply. “I just want to sleep.”

Kanji looks disappointed as he scoots closer. I’m about to say something, when he leans over to kiss me. Surprised, it takes me a minute to react.

I pull at him until he gives up and sits in my lap. “What?” he laughs. “Are you—”

“Kanji if you joke when we’re about to fool around one more time,” I warn, frustrated enough from work as it is.

“Huh?” he intones, obviously having thought he was teasing me. “Did I upset you?”

“ _Well_ —” I admit. “I’m frustrated!” I exclaim, sighing. “Right now, you’re springing this on me and I was going along with it—” _That’s not exactly what I mean, but it’s hard to put into words._

I give Kanji a stern look and try again. “It’s been months since I’ve done anything with anyone other than myself, and you act like it’s some game.”

My hands are on Kanji’s sides, holding him still for a minute. “I agreed to— _To_ —” I grit my teeth.

_To that idiotic, sappy line you used on me._

_Though because it’s you, I know that it’s what you really want. That you meant you want to be my ‘last’._

Kanji moves his face closer to mine, studying me. I know I’m turning red; can feel heat coming off me in waves.

“Agreed to what?” he questions.

“To your little declaration,” I evasively reply. Kanji looks confused, so I have to remind him. “I said I’d wait for you, if you promised not to push me. So I did... Though sometimes you’ve got me wondering whether you really want me or not.”

He grins, finally closing the small space between us, and our lips meet. We kiss as we shift around; I can tell he’s trying to get in a better position to reach my body.

Kanji’s eager to get me revved up. He’s touching me everywhere—All the places I’ve not been okay with in the past, while I rub his tongue with mine. It feels amazing; having this person I care about running his hands down my arms, pulling at my clothes.

I match him, arching away so that I can get Kanji’s shirt over his head. This is the first time we’ve been like this. _The first time I’ve felt comfortable being like this with him._

I reach out and place my hand on his bare chest, simply feeling him. _He has a lot of muscle._

“You’re... _Strong_ ,” I manage, suddenly at a loss for words. Kanji smiles and covers my hand with his, nudging me to explore more of him.

_It stings, knowing last time was so rushed and ungainly. Realizing our first attempt at intimacy felt almost like a dare instead of proper closeness. I don’t want this to be like everything that filled the interim for me._

_This means something._

“Can I...?” he questions. I tug my shirt the rest of the way off and nod. He runs his hands over my torso, getting to know my body better.

That’s when I realize this is actually frightening—

_This means a lot more to me than I’m comfortable admitting._

“Why don’t we—” I start, but the words die in my throat.

_Why don’t we stop here._

_Why don’t we stop before I disappoint you._

_Why don’t we stop before you realize what a mistake this is and leave me._

I can’t get the words to budge, but Kanji seems to intuit my apprehension. “Okay,” he says, searching my eyes. “Whatever you need, too.”

I nod numbly and remove my hand from his bare side. Kanji glances at the past point of contact, as if he can will my hand to fly back there. _He looks disappointed, after all._

After an awkward pause, Kanji stands up and retrieves our shirts. He puts his on and passes me mine.

“Is everything okay?” he questions.

“Yeah,” I nod, wanting more than anything to tell him that I was wrong—That I want him to get back over here and hold me.

_Why are we stuck like this? It’s been more than a week that we’ve been dancing around the edges of something more._

I go to sleep still wondering if I’ve made the wrong decision after all.


	6. Chapter Six: Kanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adachi joins the commotion via a phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In Japan, most ex-cons are given police volunteers instead of parole officers. Though a case like Tohru’s would likely require both.
> 
> Because I didn't have time to post yesterday, today will likely have two chapters! :D

Chapter Six: Kanji

We’re eating dinner when the phone rings. Surprised someone is calling the house, Ryou and Nanako just stare at the table by the door. I end up being the one to actually answer it.

“H’lo?” I ask. “Dojima residence.”

“ _You’re_ not Ryoutarou,” jeers a familiar voice on the other line. _I can’t quite place it._

“No,” I reply. “This is Tatsumi. Who’s this?”

“ _Tatsumi?_ What’re you doing there, brat?” the person bluntly demands.

I shake my head and glance over at Ryou, who’s wearing a questioning expression at what’s taking so long. “I said it’s Tatsumi,” I repeat, getting frustrated that I don’t even know who it is. “Do you have a message for Ryou?”

“I wanna speak to him!”

_I don’t like this—_

“No,” I decide. “You can leave a message with me.” I look over again and Ryou has a guilty expression on, like I’ve caught him doing something he shouldn’t be doing.

“Do you even know who this is?” the voice sneers, and it jogs something in my memory.

“A-ah—” I falter.

 _That laugh._ “Well _Ryoutarou_ calls me _Tohru_.”

With that, Adachi hangs up. I replace the phone and turn to Ryou.

“That was—” is all I get our before Ryou is already apologizing.

“That shouldn’t have happened,” he sighs. “I’m sorry, I should’ve told you that—”

Then Ryou’s cell goes off and he jumps. He gets it after a few rings, looking dubious.

“H-hi,” he says into his phone all guilty again. “Yes... Yes, he’s _living_ here. I already told you that—” he pauses to sigh. “Well it’s been a busy week here, too!”

Ryou pounds the table after a pause. “ _No_. I’ll get to it tomorrow, when I’m working. Don’t call me at night again, Tohru!” He snaps his phone shut and his eyes flick to meet mine.

We don’t say anything. Nanako glances between us, bewildered. “Was that Adachi-san?” she asks, looking conflicted.

Ryou scowls at her and I wave my hand, mouthing “what the fuck”. _Don’t take it out on her! She doesn’t know the half of it!_

Ryou grimaces placatingly at the two of us, like he’s the only one stuck in a shitty situation. “Sorry—Yes, that’s who it was, Nanako.”

“Is he going to come back here?” she asks, glancing at me.

I roll my eyes behind her back.

“ _No_ ,” Ryou says. “Well—Not anytime soon, alright?”

“I—” Nanako bites her lip. “They say he’s bad, but I liked him.”

I rub my forehead, trying to keep quiet. _Has he explained none of it to her?_

_That would be just like Ryou, though: to keep her in the dark._

Sighing, Ryou turns to his daughter. “It’s okay to like him, but he’s not a nice man, no. He did some bad things.”

“How bad?”

I catch Ryou grinding his teeth and step back up to the table. Nanako’s attention flits to me when I pull out my chair. “He did some really mean things and he’s not coming back for a long time,” I try.

“What did he do? They said on the news—”

“ _I know,_ ” Ryou interjects. “He was really nice to you, but you probably can’t see him anytime soon.”

Nanako’s eyes light up. “Then there’s a chance?” she asks.

“‘ _Probably’_?” I question, giving Ryou a black look.

“We’ll talk about it later, Kanji,” he tersely tells me.

The _second_ Nanako’s in bed, I ask Ryou what the hell he meant by that: “What’s the ‘probably’ about?”

He smacks his forehead. “Couldn’t give me a break?” he gibes.

“No.”

“I’ve been setting up his lawyers,” he cautiously tells me, as if I’m going to snap at any minute. _Which I might._

I fold my arms and wait for him to go on.

“There isn’t a lot of evidence,” Ryou talks around the subject again. I motion for him to get to the point. “So we’re filing for an appeal.”

“‘We’?” I pick out the word that annoys me the most.

Ryou has this super ashamed look on his face. “Yes, I’ve been helping him—He has no one else!”

“ _Fuck!_ ” I spit, stomping on the floor. “You _know_ he did it, right?”

_Saki and Yamano... He killed them._

“I know a lot of things,” Ryou defensively answers. “I also know that he has real problems that he won’t get treatment for in prison. He’ll just have abuse heaped on him.”

That reigns in my anger a little— _I don’t want to see anybody needlessly hurt._

Ryou pounces on that. “You know he’s treated like pure shit there, right? He’s harassed daily, and that’s not the way the system is supposed to work. If he can get out with a treatment plan, it would be better—”

“Ugh!” I groan, squatting down and rubbing my head. _I don’t wanna feel bad for him. For the guy who killed them!_

_And he treated Ryou like shit, too. Didn’t give a care that he was hurting him, and Ryou blindly sticks up for him. I doubt he knows the bulk of what really happened!!_

“It would be better all the way around,” Ryou finishes. “I’ve promised to help get him on his feet, but that’s as far as it—”

“Wait, _what_?” I shake my head.

He’s got that ‘caught’ face again, like there’s more he hasn’t told me. Ryou rubs his neck and looks away. “I promised to be his volunteer and let him stay here till he finds his own place.”

I don’t speak for a minute—Have nothing to say. I have to take a seat, I’m so shocked.

_He promised all that? And he’s just telling me NOW?_

“You—” is all I can manage.

“Listen,” Ryou cuts me off. “Before we were together, there wasn’t a reason to tell you. I knew you wouldn’t approve, _and_ I knew that someone had to help him. _He doesn’t have anyone else!_ ”

 _Because he uses people and then pushes them away._ I squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to deal with this.

“Is there anything else?” I finally sigh.

“No,” he replies. “That’s it. I’ve told him he can only call me at work, and I told him about us last month. Is there anything else you want to know?”

“Not off the top of my head, no.”

“Then we’re done here,” Ryou caps it off. “It wasn’t your business before. I was looking for an opportunity to bring it up, now that we’ve dealt with everything else involved with moving you in. I didn’t want to spring it on you.”

I stand up again and walk over to where he’s sitting. “ _Tell the truth,_ ” I demand. “Did you not want to ‘spring it on me’, or were you ‘afraid to tell me’.”

“ _Both_ ,” he gruffly admits.

“Don’t be like that,” I admonish. “From now on you have to tell me important stuff like this, okay?”

“We’ll be a team, Kanji,” he says, sounding honest. “I’ve told you that before and I intend to make good on it.”

“Okay,” I reply, mostly cooled off.

_It‘s gonna be hard, but someday I’ll have to tell him the whole truth. I’ll have to tell him WHY there’s such a lack of evidence. I’ll have to confirm the other world. I’ll have to really tear down whatever image he has left of Adachi—_

_Because he’s still a very dangerous person. I don’t trust him and I don’t want him around us._


	7. Chapter Seven: Ryou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanji reveals some truths about Tohru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I wrote this, it forced me to look at Adachi's actions from the perspective of the people who were victims of Namatame's "help". I had never before considered that Kanji might feel that Tohru tried to kill him! D:

Chapter Seven: Ryou

“I told you not to call me after work,” I growl into the phone.

“Yeah, well, you’ve been a hard man to get ahold of!” Tohru complains. “Didn’t hear from you all last week. I mean— _Hey!_ I’ve got a retrial coming up and no lawyer! I’m in a difficult position here!!”

I sigh in aggravation. “You’re putting _me_ in a difficult position,” I tell him. “You know I have someone new and you purposely called my house just to harass—”

“Ooh,” he laughs. “But I didn’t know it was _Kanji_ -kun! Could’ve been anyone in the whole world, but no—I would _not_ have guessed that idiot!!” He howls more laughter through the line.

“He’s—” I stammer, stupidly taking the bait. “He’s very nice. I like him a lot and I won’t have you trying to interfere!”

“Oh, I can be ‘ _nice_ ’, too. You should just take me back,” he leisurely reiterates for the thousandth time.

“That won’t be happening,” I spit, and then hang up the phone.

_I need to straighten out this lawyer situation so he stops calling altogether._

I know—

 _I know_ that he’s using it as a way to trap me into keeping in contact, but I can’t find it in me to abandon him completely. _I’m not dumb, but Tohru truly has no one else. I can’t leave him all alone._

_That would only prove him right. That I never did care for him._

_I did. So much that—_

_Shit!!_

I pick up the phone and call one of my cousins in Tokyo. _She’ll be able to find me another lawyer. I hope._

_...She’s probably getting sick of them quitting._

After I’ve left a voicemail, I get back to work. _But now I can’t concentrate._ I tap my pen on the blotter and go over everything one more time.

_I knew that keeping it all from Kanji was going to bite me in the ass! How could I possibly have Tohru stay with us if he does get out? That wouldn’t be fair to Kanji..._

_But I can’t just give up on Tohru. I already promised him—Can’t back out because my new significant other doesn’t like it. That’s not the way to go, either._

_I don’t feel like I can win here!_

The rest of the day passes so slowly. By the time Kanji and I are headed home, I’m sick of running my mind in circles.

“Can we discuss the thing about Tohru?” I ask him.

“I guess,” he replies, not sounding too talkative.

“Kanji, I don’t want you to be angry about it. I know you’re one of the ones who brought him in, and—”

I’m cut off when I see him wearing this expression like he’s really hurting—As if this is physically painful for him to discuss.

“What?” I blurt. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Kanji huffs and looks out the window—Not even at the road. _What the hell is it?_

When he turns back, I can tell that he’s _extremely_ conflicted. _What?!_

_What don’t I know...?_

“It’s not even about the fact that he killed people, including someone I knew,” Kanji begins to open up. “It’s also about the shitty way he treated _you_ , you know.” He’s gripping the wheel so hard I can see his knuckles paling.

“He _used_ you!” Kanji growls. “I don’t care if you don’t think of it that way, Ryou, but that’s how I see it. He pretended to be your best friend, he was your boyfriend, and behind your back he was _killing people_!”

He turns to me and his face looks absolutely tortured. “I know it still bothers you, I see the way you react to stuff. It doesn’t sound like it was a healthy relationship, and you’re still going out on such a limb for a guy who really screwed you up! _That’s_ _so messed up!!_ ”

“It’s not really your business, is it?” I curtly reply.

“ _Yes!!_ ” Kanji shouts. “It _is_ if we’re gonna be together! And—” He pounds the steering wheel and looks at me with panicked eyes. “ _I was one of the people he tried to kill._ He failed—But he _tried_.”

“What?” I demand. “That doesn’t make any sense—”

“You don’t know the whole story because you wouldn’t listen to us,” Kanji tells me. “But that doesn’t make it any less _true_.”

I don’t have anything to say to that, except—

“Can you explain what you mean?” I try slowly asking. _He’s getting so worked up about this._

“He wasn’t going down without a fight,” Kanji nervously confesses. “And the first time—when you thought I got kidnapped—that was because he had Namatame try to kill us— _Everyone_ who was kidnapped. Do you _get_ that?!”

I shake my head slowly. “Namatame never said—”

“No,” Kanji reiterates. “Namatame deserved to get off so we didn’t make a problem. But that’s the real story. He threw us—” Kanji sighs and cracks his knuckles. He sighs and tries to calm himself down.

When he speaks again, he starts a different sentence: “Namatame didn’t know he was making it easier for us to be killed.”

“I don’t follow,” I tell him.

Kanji groans. “Namatame made it easier for Adachi to try to kill us, you get that much?” I nod. “Okay. So we escaped, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t _try_ to kill us, right? It’s still attempted murder. And then when we brought him in—He outright took us on. _With his gun_ —He shot at me, Yuu, and all the others.”

I sit there, suddenly unsure of the story I thought to be the truth. _What can I say?_

“Look,” Kanji sighs. “I can take care of myself, but... I don’t think he should get to walk. You can help him and stuff, but you gotta at least know the whole story.”

“There’s _more_?” I question, rubbing the side of my head.

Kanji hesitates, drumming his fingers on the wheel. “When the trial’s over, let’s you and I visit him, together okay? We’ll ask him straight out and see what he says.” He turns to me. “I get that he has problems, but that _doesn’t_ excuse his behavior.”

“Yeah,” I sadly agree.

_How can I not agree? That’s why I did my job and turned him over to the proper authorities._

“I don’t care if you wanna be his friend, but don’t be so trusting,” Kanji censures.

I grit my teeth. _It’s not that—_

_It’s what I want to believe. I still can’t entirely bring myself to think that Tohru would do all that. I don’t want to know that he really did—_

_I want this retrial as much as he does. I want to see it all lined up and disproved._

The rest of the drive is in silence. Kanji holds my hand and I stare out the window.


	8. Chapter Eight: Ryou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the Tohru arc, for now.

Chapter Eight: Ryou

I’ve been procrastinating since lunch.

_Today I have to call Tohru and give him the news. He is not going to take it well._

_But I shouldn’t let it bother me. He isn’t my problem anymore—_

_Or rather he is, just not in the same capacity._

I dial the number for the prison and am passed around a few times. I finally hear a click and his voice.

“Hey?” Tohru casually asks. _Like prison isn’t even fazing him..._

“Hi, Tohru,” I reply. _I know that’s not true. It’s not going well._

I can feel his old grin despite that. “Hey Ryoutarou~ Didn’t think I’d hear back so soon!”

“After much deliberation with Kanji, I’ve decided that I will help you as promised.”

“ _Hah!_ ” Tohru mocks me. “He need to okay the whole thing?”

“But there are stipulations,” I add, ignoring his nasty comment. “You are not to contact or harass any of the kids. Your internal record must be clear upon release: no fights or other misconduct. And you need to become a productive member of society.”

“What?” he gibes. “Kanji make you say all that?”

“No,” I shake my head. “I came up with it on my own. I think it encapsulates my hopes for you. So you’d better start getting along.”

“Do I get to speak to him again?” Tohru asks, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“ _No._ ” I’m final. “I’m moving on and it’s time you start doing the same.” He grumbles something else, but I hang up the phone.

_That needed to be done._

Happy that’s over; I pack it in for the day so I can head to Kanji’s. I walk there—he takes the car—but I don’t mind. It’s better for my health.

Which is something he’s been getting on my case for. Kanji’s been making me take walks with him in the morning that he’s adamant will turn into jogs and then runs. _I’m not exactly looking forward to it._

But I _am_ looking forward to seeing him today. _Talking to Tohru really depressed me. I—_

_I know that I had to set boundaries, but it felt harsh and absolute. Like I can’t go back to being his friend._

_But I laid out the facts as they are. And if I’m still going to support Tohru, until he gets out of prison and then..._

_Well, I needed to make everything clear._

I walk into the shop and Kanji steps out of the back. “Ryou,” he beams. “How was work?”

I smile wryly and pull him into a hug. I don’t let go until I hear Tatsumi conspicuously clearing her throat. Then I back the hell away, taking my bag off my shoulder to hang onto the handle.

Kanji ignores his mom’s reaction and grabs my hand, dragging me into the back. “Check out what I made today,” he says, bringing me over to the large, electronic loom. There’s a nifty looking pattern with interwoven circles. “Designed it last night—It’s why I was up so late!”

I reach out to touch the silky fabric and Kanji encourages, me. “Go ahead,” he urges. “Just be gentle.”

I nod and feel it. _It looks amazing, with all the different tones of yellow and purple and red and blue..._

“You really made this?” I incredulously ask him. “It—It’s not that I don’t believe you, but it looks so,” I trial off. “ _Unique_ ,” I decide.

He laughs and pulls me closer. “Yeah I did!” Kanji whoops. “I think we’re going to turn it into kimono. You want one?”

“Huh?” I ask him.

“Too bright?” he sheepishly replies.

I chuckle. “A little.”

“Well,” Kanji scratches the back of his neck. “I was gonna make a pattern with dragons next. I’ll do it less flashy, for you.” He kisses the side of my head and I can feel my face flush.

_This is what I needed._

_I needed to come home to this_ — _To Kanji._

“I love you,” I whisper and he squeezes my hand.

“All right!” Kanji abruptly whirls around, still pulling me along behind him. “Let’s get home. He scoops up our keys and says goodbye to his mother.

“I told Tohru what we talked about,” I announce while he drives us.

“Good,” Kanji nods. “I feel more settled, knowing that he understands that you won’t tolerate any bullshit.” He reaches over and rests his hand on my leg protectively. “I don’t want anyone taking advantage.”

I can feel myself smiling. _This is what a relationship is supposed to be. How could I have forgotten?_

_Not that it needs to be easy; but something comfortable. It’s got to be something with a lot of trust and responsibility. It takes work, but you always know it’s worth it._


	9. Chapter Nine: Kanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanji and Ryoutarou finally find the intimacy they want, and then have a cute moment before work.

Chapter Nine: Kanji

When I wake up, Ryou is laying almost on top of me. It strikes me as funny, because half the time he’s trying to act like he’s not really clingy.

I rub his back until he wakes up, slowly blinking away the sleep. “Kanji,” he yawns. “Up early again.”

“Same time everyday,” I grin.

Ryou laughs and tentatively pushes a hand under my shirt, running his fingers over my side. “Really?”

I nod, then shoot him a questioning look. Ryou clears his throat, seeming suddenly serious.

“I want to try again,” he tells me, propping himself up. He rubs himself against my leg and I get what he means.

“Yeah,” I agree, feeling the breath knocked out of me.

He leans down to kiss me and I lean up to meet him. It’s not long before we’re pulling at clothes, so ready to move on with our relationship.

Soon we’re staring at each other totally naked and that’s when it smacks us in the face again—The fact that we’ve come this far. I’m not letting it get in the way this time. I’m determined to get as least as far as before.

I grab for Ryou and he groans, kneeling above me. “Not so _rough_ —” he quietly protests. “It’s not a contest.”

I laugh nervously, slowing down. Ryou closes his eyes and makes shallow noises, trying to be quiet about it.

When it’s my turn, he hovers over me, kissing me a lot. He goes more slowly than I did, and it’s almost unbearable.

“Ryou,” I say his name and he smiles, liking that.

Afterwards, he lies next to me, wrapping me up in his arms. It’s great—I feel like we’ve finally taken the step that’s been so difficult, even though we didn’t have the words for why.

I can tell that he feels it too, in the way he’s staring at me and smiling softly. _It’s like there was something blocking our progress, keeping us away from how far we’d gotten before._

After that we get up and make our way to the bathroom to get ready for the day. _Feels like it’ll be a good day._ I look over and grin widely at Ryou, and he smiles back questioningly. Like he isn’t sure why I smile at him for the hell of it.

_I’ll keep on doing that. I’ll keep smiling at him just because, and maybe he’ll get used to it._

I’ve always been like this, and I think in the past it’s made Ryou uncomfortable—Before we were seeing each other. Like he thought I shouldn’t be smiling at him so much, like nobody should be smiling at him.

“Why are you like that?” I question as Ryou washes up.

“Like what?” he echoes, lost.

“You act like I shouldn’t smile at you just because I want to.”

“Do you need something?” he asks in return.

I shake my head. “No man, I’m just smiling ‘cause I love you.”

Ryou turns red and says something that sounds an awful lot like “stupid brat”. My smile turns into a grin as I walk over and hug him.

“G-geez!” he complains. “What’s _that_ for?”

“Same reason,” I shrug.

He pushes me off and heaves a sigh. “Sometimes, Kanji...”

“Sometimes what?” I tease.

“Sometimes,” he pauses, gathering his thoughts. “Sometimes you are so caring I simply don’t know how to respond.”

I raise my eyebrows.

“I thought _I_ could be sappy, but you bring it to a whole new level,” he mumbles, not looking at me. “Sit,” he orders and I do. Ryou scrubs my back.

“Like this?” I question.

“Hnn?” he replies.

“You’re sappy like _this_ ,” I reiterate. “This is such a ‘you’ thing to do.” I bring my knees to my chest and curl up while he cleans me. “This is totally sappy.”

“N-no it’s not,” he weakly protests.

I stand and point for him to sit and Ryou sighs. I hug him and he groans. “Maybe a little.” He grabs my arm. “But this is a normal thing, isn’t it?”

“If you’re super traditional,” I joke.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” I sarcastically drag out the word. “This is stuff for married people from the Showa Era.”

Ryou cranes his neck to give me a look. “You calling me old?”

“Just a little,” I reply, washing up myself. “Or super traditional. Your pick.”

He sighs and playfully shoves me. “Yah!” I yelp. “Not when it’s wet. I’ll fall.”

“Think you know more than me?” he taunts.

I smirk back. “Sometimes.”

I see Ryou glance at the clock. “Hurry up. Did you know that we’re going to be late?”

“Yes,” I lie. “‘ _Course_ I knew!”

“You hate being late,” he says in a singsong voice, already changing.

“You sure don’t,” I quip.

“I’m...” Ryou looks in the mirror, appraising himself. “ _Relaxed_.”

“You?” I snort.

“Yes me!” He turns around and points at me. “More relaxed than _you_ , at least!”

“Maybe so,” I gravely reply, and then burst out laughing.


	10. Chapter Ten: Ryou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smoking on the street is illegal in modern Japan. It is only allowed in the rare smoking shelter, or inside of a private establishment like a café.
> 
> Nichome/Nichou is the gay area in Tokyo. If you’ve played Persona 5, it’s listed as the “Red Light District”. It’s located within Kabukicho, which is considered a more seedy, club district—But also houses the famous Sanchome, which is a more upscale area known for cafes and shops. Incidentally, Kabukicho is where I stayed when I was in Tokyo~

Chapter Ten: Ryou

“Kanji,” I start one day during breakfast. “Why don’t we go on a proper date?”

“Re-really?” he replies.

I nod. “Yeah. I was thinking in Okina.”

“ _Really?_ ” he repeats, a blush creeping onto his face. “That’s kind of far...”

“We can stay over, if you’d like.”

His eyes practically bug out of his head and I have to laugh. “S-stay over?” he echoes. “But what about...”

Nanako glances at him. “I’m fine,” she tells us. “I used to stay alone all the time.”

“See?” I press.

“Maybe,” Kanji muses. “She could stay with my Ma.”

Now it’s Nanako’s turn to start with the “really”s. Kanji flashes a smile. “I’m sure she’d love it, Nanako!” he tells her.

She looks suspicious, but also excited at the prospect. _It would be nice for her to stay somewhere else, with someone who’s like family._

During the day, Kanji calls his mother and she readily agrees. I manage to get us a reservation for dinner and a hotel. _Kanji’s only stipulation was that we go somewhere I haven’t been before. I can’t say I blame him, but the implication stung._

I put on a striped dress shirt and good slacks, topping it off with a tie I don’t often wear. I think I look pretty snazzy until I walk back into the bedroom and see Kanji. He’s just pulling a cardigan over a purple button-down that practically _shimmers_.

He grins, maybe a little embarrassed. “I’ve been looking for an excuse to wear this,” he bashfully tells me.

“Well, today’s the day!” I grin.

Kanji smiles and hands me a stack of clean clothes and I put them away in the overnight bag I’ve packed. _Everything’s all set._

We drop Nanako off in town and start on the drive up to the city. It’s only about an hour and a half by car, and it’s fun chatting along the way.

When the ocean comes into sight, Kanji leans over me to get a better look. “Sometimes I forget we live on an island,” I tell him.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “Me too.”

When we arrive at the hotel, I valet the car and step outside with the bag. Kanji follows me, looking around like he’s never spent a night away from home. _I wonder if his family went on trips?_

 _Rarely, but sometimes, I miss the city._ Tonight is one of those nights. As I look at the bright lights around us and the feeling of the freedom to do whatever we want settles in, I realize that cities can be okay in some circumstances.

I take Kanjis hand and we walk up to the desk to check in. Then we drop our stuff in the room and have an hour until our reservation.

We wander around the blocks surrounding the hotel, poking into shops and an arcade. Kanji gets really excited about the arcade, as if he’s never been to one before. _There were arcades when I was growing up, but not this elaborate._

He stares longingly at a crane game with weird snowmen and I have to snicker. “You wanna give it a shot?” I ask him.

Kanji’s eyes flick around as if he thinks he shouldn’t do something like this on a ‘date’. I pat his arm. “It’s fine, you know. This is why we’re here—To try new things.”

His eyebrows draw together as he examines the machine and really stares at the plush set up near the drop. I stick hundred yen coins in his hand and Kanji’s resolve looks like it’s weakening.

I chuckle when he finally loads up the money for five tries and angles the claw to snap up the toy. The toy barely moves on the first two tries. He drops it almost in on the third, and wins on the fourth. An attendant comes over with a plastic bag for us and sets up a black version next. He gets this one on his last try.

Kanji grins broadly at me, proud of himself for mastering this machine. _Can’t let him best me..._

I smirk and tell him to pick out another toy we should win. He choses a large figure that looks like a buff skeleton. I load up the money and knock it backwards. _Three tries if you know what you’re doing,_ I remember. Next I push it over on its side. On my third try, I nudge it over the edge.

“I can do these, too,” I tell him, and Kanji appears astonished I’d be interested in something like this. “I’m full of surprises,” I tell him, heading outside for a smoke.

Kanji trails behind, getting a second bag for the figurine. I walk into an alley on the side of the building and light up, hoping no one gets angry.

He finds me shortly and rolls his eyes. “A cop smoking in public,” Kanji admonishes. “Aren’t you supposed to fine people for this?”

I smile back crookedly. “Off the clock,” I reply, blowing a long stream of smoke at him.

Kanji waves it away and laughs. “How much time do we have left?”

I check my watch and announce that we should probably head back so we can drop off the bags upstairs first. We hold hands again as we walk back and I wish things could always be this easy.

The restaurant is on the top floor of the building; the button says ‘tenth’. I asked for a table by the window, figuring Kanji would enjoy that. I notice I’m right when I see that he can’t stop staring at the people below us.

I tap his menu. “You need to pick something to eat, you know,” I tell him with a smile.

Kanji nods seriously and reads over the options. I think he’s going to have a heart attack when he sees the prices and I sigh.

“This is _special_ ,” I remind him. “We’re not going to do it too often.”

“Still,” he admonishes. “I’d need to sell...” He tries adding up stuff from the shop and I cover his twitching fingers with my own hand.

“Relax, okay? We’ve got this.”

Kanji turns a little red, but doesn’t say anything more about the money. He chooses soup for the first course and I pick a salad. Then he gets pasta and I order a real steak.

While we wait for the food, I notice Kanji fidgeting. I rack my brain for something interesting I can tell him. What _haven’t_ I already told him?

I zip through subjects in my head while he continues to stare out the window. “Kanji,” I finally decide on something.

“Hmm?” he asks, looking back at me.

“Did you know that I grew up in the city?” I try.

“Okina?” he questions.

“No,” I laugh slightly. “Not _this_ city—Tokyo.” He nods. “That’s where the rest of my family is, haven’t Nanako or Yuu ever mentioned that? It’s why he’s from there.”

“Oh,” Kanji says. “No; no one told me.”

“Yeah,” I supply. “So it’s nice to come out here once in a while. The atmosphere reminds me of where I grew up.”

Kanji nods, seeming curious. The food arrives and he’s cut off.

“Ask me,” I tell him as I begin to eat.

“Why’d you move away?”

I smile wryly. “Do I seem like a city guy?” I ask in return.

Kanji skeptically shakes his head. “I didn’t think so, but...”

“But what?” I reply, smirking.

He sets down his spoon, thinking. “Well now I’m not so sure.”

“I suppose tonight may have you thinking about me differently,” I sigh, resigned to it.

“Why’s that?” Kanji questions.

“What do you want to do after we eat?” I seriously ask him in return.

Kanji shrugs as the dishes are cleared away. “Wh-what do you usually do on dates?”

I smile nervously. “Don’t know if you’d be interested, but...” Kanji looks antsy as I reach down to pull out a map. I think he’s going to shit himself by the time I’ve got it on the table. I point to a different section of the city. “Wait,” I tease, taking my finger off the paper. “What did you think I was going to say?”

“N-n-nothin’!!” Kanji stammers and I laugh.

“Over here,” I show him. “This area reminds me of Nichou—I used to go here a lot. Do you like to dance?”

“Dance?” he cocks his head to the side. “Like the dancing Rise showed me?”

“I have no idea,” I reply. “You mean like you did at the festival?”

He nods. “That’ll work, I suppose. I could teach you.”

“Okay!” he readily agrees.

We eat quickly, the conversation flowing after that. We talk about where we want to go, which trains to take, and so forth.

Kanji insists on bringing his extra food back to the room, so we stop off there. He grabs his leather jacket and I take a suit jacket, actually putting it on for once. Then it’s off to the main train station.

“I’ve been here before,” he lights up.

“Yeah?” I ask, making conversation.

“Yeah!” he laughs. “The guys wanted to pick people up and they sucked at it!”

I chuckle at that. “Really?”

“Mmhmm!” he nods. “Yosuke thought that because they had bikes that it would be easier. I had to ride my bicycle here. That kinda sucked, though. No one waited for me...”

“Why not?” I ask as we step onto the train.

“Dunno,” he shrugs. “Guess they were all excited they had their licenses. I couldn’t get mine till the next year. Late birthday...”

“Right...” I sigh. _I guess I’d made myself forget about his age._ I peer at Kanji, who’s holding both my hand and the bar above his head.

“W-what?” he demands, looking embarrassed.

I shake my head. “Nothing; don’t worry,” I smile, though I suddenly feel unsure. _Kind of edgy._

“What’s wrong?” Kanji tries again, letting go of my hand and putting his arm around me. “It’s somethin’,” he insists.

“You really like _me_?” I blurt out.

Kanji’s eyes widen— _I guess he wasn’t expecting that. Not now, at least._

“‘Course I do!” he tells me, pulling me close. “Why would you say that?”

I can hear the implication: ‘ _On our only date?’_

I try to smile again, but I know it looks guilty. Kanji sighs and tips his head into mine. “Be real,” he tells me. “I don’t care about that stuff.”

“I know,” I retort and he rolls his eyes.

“We’re gonna have fun, right?”

“Dance all night,” I laugh.

He squints, like that’s ringing a bell for him. Then he shakes his head, clearing it.

Soon the train is pulling into the proper station and we’re getting off. I lead us to the area with the bars and clubs, feeling significantly younger again. I pull out a cigarette—No one in this area cares.

We’re walking towards the section with the clubs when I hear someone I know. “Ryouta!” he calls and I cringe. “Ryouta!!”

_I feared this would happen._

“ _What?_ ” I complain as I pull up short. Tatsu almost smacks into my back.

“Shit, nice reception,” he spits. “Haven’t seen you in some time, and you get all uppity. Too good for me now?”

I sigh and glance at Kanji. He looks like he’s waiting to be introduced. _No way._

“What do you want? I’m busy today,” I explain.

Tatsu folds his arms and tries to take my cigarette. I bite down so he can’t. “You’ve already got someone?” he asks, gesturing to Kanji. “That why you’re being so unfriendly?”

He tries to take my cigarette again and I swat his hand. “Cut it out.”

“H-hi,” Kanji interjects while we glare at each other.

Tatsu frowns at him. “Come on man, I can introduce you to someone better— _Younger_.”

Kanji turns to me to sort this out and I sigh. “He’s my boyfriend, Tatsu. Now get lost.”

“No way!” he exclaims. “ _This_ guy?” He studies Kanji more seriously.

“Yes,” I reply, grabbing Kanji’s hand and pulling him to me.

“Whatever,” Tatsu rolls his eyes. “Crooked’s got good music tonight. You should head that way.”

“Thanks for the tip,” I reply, ready to get moving.

Kanji seems surprised to meet someone I know though, and is still trying to make conversation. “What’s that?” he questions.

“A club,” Tatsu tells him. Kanji nods— _He’s probably never been to one._

“We good?” I ask the two of them.

Tatsu nods, trying for my cigarette one more time. I jab him in the side.

“How do you guys know each other?” Kanji has to ask.

Tatsu smirks, ready to pick on me. “From when he used to cruise.” The young man slaps my back, and Kanji gives us an uncomprehending look as I almost have a heart attack.

“You know,” Tatsu decides he should elaborate. “When guys like him look for guys like me who’d want to f—”

“Take the cigarette, Tatsu!” I yell, shoving it in his mouth.

“Oh, thanks!” he brightens. “So I was saying—”

“We’re out of here,” I order, pulling Kanji down the road.

“I can _share_ the cigarette!” Tatsu shouts after us, as if that’s what I care about in this situation.

Unfortunately, we have to pass by the bar where Kazuki’s pulling in customers. “Hey, Ryouta!” he also yells, between reading off the specials.

I keep walking, but Kanji tugs on my hand. “I think that man’s calling you, Ryou. He used the same name as that other guy.”

“Yeah,” I reply, not wanting to stop.

“More of your friends?” Kanji naively questions.

“Sort of,” I vaguely respond.

At that, he drags me over. Kazuki is busy flagging down a group of people to ride the elevator up, so we have to wait.

“Hey man! Been a while,” Kazuki greets us. “Tatsu _just_ texted me that you’re here! You should come up tonight. There’s a group with guys who’re your type!”

I sigh, holding up mine and Kanji’s hands. “I’m with someone now.”

“I didn’t believe Tatsu,” he dismisses me. “He’s too young.”

“No,” Kanji volunteers. “I’m with him.”

“Well, you can both come up if he’s legal,” Kazuki fishes.

“We’re going to Crooked. See you later,” I tell Kazuki. Kanji looks like he’s going to say something else, but then just follows me.

“You know a lot more people than I expected,” he finally says after I’ve nodded at a few more people I know.

“There are more people I know on weekends,” I grumble. “But there’s also more going on.”

Kanji nods, and I give him an apologetic look. “Did they make you uncomfortable?”

“I’m okay,” he replies.

“Alright. I promise the rest of the night will be good,” I declare.

Kanji smiles affectionately. “It’s been good so far.”

We finally make our way to the club and the line isn’t long. _My kind of music isn’t exactly ‘in’._

Kanji and I do get to dance for a while, and then we hit a bar. I’m thankful that we have no trouble finding one that lets us in, even though it’s getting late. _I really need a drink._

I order, but there aren’t any seats together. We wind up standing in a corner while I sip my liquor.

“You look tired,” I playfully tell Kanji.

“So do you,” he returns and I laugh. “This is way later than we usually sleep.”

“It is,” I agree. “But we’re not done yet. Let’s head back, then figure the rest out.” Kanji nods and I lead us back to the station.

We catch a fairly empty train, heading away from Third Street. We lean against a window and discuss everything that happened tonight.

“Don’t wanna call it a night yet,” I yawn. _I can sleep when we get back home._

Kanji smiles a little and nudges me when the train rocks. When it shifts in the other direction I smile back and push my shoulder into his. _It’s the little things that really make me feel so comfortable around him._

Back at the hotel, we pick snacks and coffees from the vending machine and head to our room. I suggest we choose a movie, and he looks disappointed. _Did I read him wrong again?_

“Kanji,” I ask him, as I start to change. “What do you want to do now?”

“Well, it’s a hotel,” he tells me, as if I’m a dumbass. Then: “I thought we were gonna do it.”

I freeze up a little, surprised he’d say that so openly. “W-well,” I clear my throat. “We don’t have to. We haven’t yet, so I _thought_ —” I flounder, keeping my gaze straight ahead.

He doesn’t seem to read my apprehension. “Was I wrong?” he quizzes.

_It’s not that I don’t want to._

_It’s more that I didn’t want him to think he had to. Didn’t want him to think that was the whole point of this trip. Cause it honestly isn’t._

“This time,” I say, finally turning back to Kanji. “Why don’t we skip it? It’s not as if it’s a requirement,” I laugh, trying to joke.

“S’okay,” Kanji tells me. “I kind of wanted to.”

“ _Geez_...”

“Oh,” Kanji hums. “N-never mind!!” he says, flustered now.

“It’s not that I don’t _want_ to,” I explain. “But I—I didn’t think we’d move so quickly. Is that...?”

“Yeah,” Kanji tries to play it off. “Don’t mind me.”

I sigh and walk over to Kanji, who’s just started to change now that he thinks we aren’t going to do anything. “Kanji,” I stop him and he stands straight, looking down at me. “I love you.”

He smiles and leans down to kiss me. “I love you too.”

When we pull apart, I regard him seriously. “It’s not that we can’t do anything—” I start to say how I feel, and Kanji grins and pushes me backwards, kicking his pants the rest of the way off.

I lose my balance and end up sitting on the bed. _Shit—He’s more deft than you’d think._

Kanji leans down to kiss me again and I pull on his shirt to drag him closer to me. He plants one knee on the edge of the bed and I lean back so we fall down together. Then he’s leaning over me with this look in his eyes like it has to be _now_.

I wrap my arms around Kanji and he leans down. I slide one hand further and he groans, brushing against me. I encourage him to keep doing it, and he does; faster and faster until he’s finished.

Kanji leans against me hard and I pull his head to my shoulder. “ _You_ —” I gasp, still riled up. “You feel better?” I get my voice under control.

“ _You_ don’t,” Kanji mutters and reaches for me.

“It’s—You—” I stammer, but he’s already going for it.

I hear a groan rip from my throat at his usual rough treatment. _So much sensation—_

Then I can tell he’s ready again and I decide to change tactics. I flip us so that I’m on top of him and Kanji’s gazing at me so intensely.

I slide down to the floor and start to take off his underwear. Kanji’s breathing hitches and he moans when I lick him. I try different things, looking for the best reaction. Kanji is covering his face and twisting his other hand in the bed sheet. I grab it and place it on my head, and then he’s yanking at my hair every time I do something different.

I swallow him a few times and realize that he’s almost done; can tell in the way he’s making shallow movements with his hips. He finishes hard, and I keep going until I know he’s completely spent.

Then I move back onto the bed and lay with my head on his chest. Kanji’s still breathing heavy, but he wraps an arm around me and kisses my head. We stay like that for some time.

We both have to change again, and shower. But it’s worth it. _Sometimes I worry._

_Tonight was going to be one of those nights._

_Sometimes I wonder how he measures our relationship, and whether the fact that I’m so reluctant to do things with him is an issue. I know it probably is, or else it wouldn’t bother me so much, right?_

Afterwards, we do watch that movie and eat our snacks. It’s fun, and Kanji is all cuddly, which is nice. We sit together on the bed and share chips and talk through the whole thing.

And then it’s _so_ past our bedtime—Kanji actually fell asleep on me near the end of the film, which is cute. I click the TV off and shut the lights. _This is nice._

I rub Kanji’s back as I start to drift off, too. _We won’t have too much time tomorrow, but we can check out more shops and get lunch._

_All in all, I think it was a good trip._


	11. Chapter Eleven: Ryou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day of firsts.

Chapter Eleven: Ryou

Today is the first day of the school year for Nanako. I drive her, Kanji, and myself to the elementary school for opening ceremonies.

Kanji told me that he thought he shouldn’t come along, but I want him there. _He’s become an equal part of this family over the past few years. He’s even more attentive to Nanako than I am, her father. He deserves this._

I wouldn’t take “no” for an answer.

I park the car and Nanako collects her things. I’m outside, making sure she has everything she needs for the first day, while Kanji hangs back in the passenger’s seat. I motion him out here.

He reluctantly steps out of the car and I tell him to stand with Nanako so I can take a photo. I brought along my old Polaroid for just this occasion, as I do every year.

“You should be in it,” he protests, trying to take the camera from me.

“I haven’t been in the last few,” I reason. “One more won’t hurt. You can take a picture of her and I after.”

Kanji shrugs and poses with my daughter in front of a big gingko. They take a serious picture and then Nanako insists on a cute picture, with them making peace signs.

After, Kanji dutifully takes the camera and makes the two of us stand together. _This is the first school picture we’ve had together since Chisato took them..._ I smile and grip my daughter’s shoulder. I’m proud of her both for being such a great student, and for taking everything these past few years in stride.

We all walk to the front door together and then split up. Nanako has entrance ceremonies, and we have to fill out some forms in the office. I want to add Kanji as someone approved to stand in for me, so that he can pick her up or help with school activities. He’s already assured me a hundred times that he wants to, and can take the time off from work easier than myself. _He’s so overzealous and excited about the weirdest things._

There are a few people in the office when we fill out the forms. Other parents I’ve seen around stare, while administrative workers explain to us what documentation they’ll need from the two of us. _He’s not a legal guardian, but this feels like the first step. It feels more serious than I expected._

 _Yesterday, Kanji reiterated that he wants to be in this relationship for the long haul. I need to push my own lack of self-confidence away so this will work out._ _If we both put in the effort, there’s no reason why it should fail._

Kanji grins at me as he fills out the forms. I catch someone behind him giving us a funny look and I glare at them. Kanji shoots me something more questioning and I rub his shoulder.

When he’s done, the secretary tells me where I need to sign and stamp. I smile as I do my part and then it’s done. We turn in Kanji’s documentation for photocopies and then we’re out.

“Hey, can we peek in at the ceremonies?” Kanji asks me, sounding excited.

“Sure,” I shrug. “Why not?”

“Nanako’s giving a speech you know, right?”

 _I did not._ But I won’t tell him that. I’m about to direct him to where the gymnasium is, but he’s already in the lead, pulling me along with him.

We catch the last few lines of whatever she’s saying, and Kanji waves his arm so she’ll see us. I catch her blushing as she politely waves back when she returns to her place on the floor.

I laugh— _He’s like an embarrassing parent._ I’m sure Nanako will have words for us when she gets home.

I put my arm around Kanji’s shoulders, because what’s the difference? We’ve now basically announced that we’re seeing each other. _Nothing to hide anymore._

“Kanji,” I turn to him.

“Yeah?”

“You don’t... Need to be in by a certain time, do you?” I fish. He shakes his head. “Do you wanna—Ah.” I stop and clear my throat. “I’m ready. I want to do this. Do you want to stop at home?”

“Do what?” he questions and I feel myself flush. I stammer out an answer and his reaction is similar. “Oh—Yeah!” he eagerly nods.

I take us home.

We’re both very awkward as we enter the house. I’m feeling jittery, and I think Kanji is jumpy too.

_No sense beating around the bush..._

I take a seat in the couch and tell him to join me. _The sensible thing is to talk through this. He doesn’t know what I like and I don’t know what he’s expecting._

Of course, I end up just telling him: “You know I’m a neko right?”

“A cat?” Kanji asks and I try not to cringe at the fact that he doesn’t know even the basic slang.

“It means someone who likes to bottom.”

“Oh. _Oooh!_ ” he lights up when he gets it. “That sounds easy,” he shrugs.

“Were you worried about this?” I question.

He nods. “A little. I wasn’t sure if I’d like that.”

“We can always switch it up, but I think this will be easier for now,” I tell him.

“Yeah,” he readily agrees.

“Always... Make sure you tell me what you want,” I say.

Kanji smiles. “I do.”

I smile back timidly before reaching out for him. Kanji leans over to meet me and I pull him to me, kissing him.

We slowly change positions as we continue to kiss and touch each other. _It’s going more smoothly than I feared. I was concerned that talking about it would ruin the mood._

Kanji seems unafraid to go for it; throwing caution to the wind. When he’s ready, he rubs below my belt and I start to take my pants off. I watch him watching me and it really turns me on even more.

Then I reach for his, pulling him to me by his waistband. He groans, arching into my touch. I smile at him while I work his pants off.

“It’s—It’s been a while,” I warn him. “Go easy. Here,” I instruct. “Hold my legs and I’ll show you...” It takes a minute for me to get ready, but Kanji waits patiently, paying attention.

He’s gentle, and I can tell he’s trying hard not to make use of his usual enthusiasm—Which is good. There’s so much friction and it’s great; I can vividly feel every movement he makes. But it would definitely hurt if he were going too quickly.

Soon my whole body starts to shudder. I grip Kanji’s hips as I ride it out, and can tell he’s trying to hold himself off till I’m finished. He follows very soon after.

Then it’s over, and we’re lying there wrapped up in each other. It’s an awesome feeling; knowing that this was good. _Knowing that we feel the same for each other._

“I love you,” I tell him.

Kanji grins. “I love you too. Thought that was assumed,” he laughs, hugging me.

“Felt the need to say it aloud,” I reply and he chuckles some more.


	12. Chapter Twelve: Ryou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys enjoy a day at home, talking Ryoutarou's past out.

Chapter Twelve: Ryou

Downstairs, I see that Kanji has out a tape measure and it marking off sections of the living room. He’s already thrown away all the crap behind the couch and lined up some small drawers.

"What...?" I nervously ask. I don't want to discourage him, but I thought he would ask me before making larger changes, and that tape measure ensures something big is coming.

"Hey Ryou!" he beams. "I was gonna ask after I figured out if it'll even work—I'm getting a dress form and wanna bring it here. I've been sewing clothes for a while, and then I can work on 'em in my free time."

I nod, having no idea what a dress form is. It must show, because then he explains for me.

"It's uh, it's one of those things that look like half a mannequin," Kanji gestures. _Still don't know._

"Is it big?" I question.

He laughs. "It's not for my size person! I just want an averaged-sized one so I can make prototypes!"

"Okay," I tell him. _If it won't take up a lot of space, what's it really matter?_

"I was tying to make a cute little dress for Nanako, actually," Kanji admits, scratching the back of his neck. "Thought she'd like it. It's gonna have bunnies or something along the bottom."

I swear my heart is melting. _I can't take it!!_

"W-what?" he demands, folding his arms defensively. "You don't want me to?"

"No!" I end up yelling. Kanji flinches. " _No_ —It's a nice idea. She'd like anything you made her."

Kanji grins, looking embarrassed too. "Yeah, she seems to. I thought it'd be good..."

He finishes with the chore and snaps the tape measure closed. “It’ll fit. Can it live next to the television, in the corner?”

“Y-yeah,” I tell him. “That’s fine.” _This is how it goes._

I guess it hadn’t sunk in until now: _Kanji is fully moved in. He’s my—_

_Kanji is my boyfriend._

I watch as he drags the television table to where he marked on the floor. Then he shows me the things he put behind the couch.

“I’ve got some fabric in here,” he points. “Sewing supplies there, yarn and needles, and some project packs I made in there. Things are coming along.”

“They sure are,” I agree.

_Everything is working out almost too well, these days. Now that I have no more secrets, what can go wrong?_

I walk into the kitchen to brew us some coffee while Kanji continues to measure areas of the room. “You gonna put something else in there?” I call over.

“No,” he admits. “But this way I can write down how much space there is for the future.”

“Just how far ahead are you planning?” I joke. I load up the coffeemaker and turn around, folding my arms.

He nervously laughs. “N-not that far...”

“Hnn,” I hum, raising my eyebrows. “I’ve seen your ‘five year plan’, so at least that far.” Kanji flushes and I laugh. “I’m playing around,” I assure him. “I like it. I don’t usually plan for things. I take it as it comes.”

“It shows,” Kanji shoots back, grinning.

“Hey now!” I gibe. “No need to get nasty.”

Kanji smiles and keeps up his work. By the time he’s finished, I have our two cups of coffee over by the couch.

“You going to take a break?” I ask as he pulls out fabric and lays it out in the table.

“Yeah,” he nods. “In a minute.”

“It’s going to get cold,” I admonish. “I worked so hard on this, Kanji.” I feel another smile tugging on my lips. _I like watching him work._

 _He’s so dexterous_ , I think as he patches together pieces of fabric to make a smaller shirt. I watch his large hands work the tiny needle in and out of the fabric. He cuts the thread with his teeth, knotting the small strings skillfully.

I wind up sitting next to him. I nudge the coffee closer and he finally takes a sip.

“Sorry,” Kanji tells me. “I got caught up.”

“I can see that,” I chuckle as he unwinds the extra thread from his fingers. “Literally,” I tell him, bumping our shoulders together.

He smiles easily and drinks the rest of the mug while he looks out at the backyard. “This door is so nice,” he comments. “It brings in so much light. We didn’t have anything like this because the store is attached to our house.”

“Glad you like it,” I reply.

“You got good taste,” he beams at me.

_Well actually—_

“Chisato picked this house,” I carefully admit. “But I like it a lot. It’s—” I stop speaking, realizing this might not be welcome information.

“Don’t worry,” Kanji tells me. “You don’t have to pretend like she didn’t live here. It’s okay.”

I draw back, confused. _It doesn’t feel like it’s okay._

“Really,” Kanji insists, nodding. “She was a big part of your life.” He rubs the back of his head like he feels bad. “Honest—I don’t want you or Nanako to have to tiptoe around your memories.”

I guardedly stare him down, frowning slightly. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.

Kanji sets down his mug and wraps his arms around me. “I promise. I’m not judging you or getting overly jealous. I don’t want you to have to hide it. I know there were other people before me, that’s evident. I mean—” Kanji flushes. “Nanako is—”

I laugh. “I get it,” I tell him. “ _It’s_ —No one’s told me that before. I thought it was more polite not to discuss her.”

“Naah,” he tells me. “I want you to be real. Be _you_.” He squeezes my middle. “And I want Nanako to be open about herself, too. It’s healthier, not to forget or feel like you have to hide the past.”

 _I still don’t quite trust him on this—_ I glance at the guy hugging me and he’s smiling innocently, like it’s totally normal to talk about this stuff, about before him.

“Look,” Kanji sighs. “I knew you back when you hid it away, and you were a mess. You tried to pretend that Chisato never existed and it tore you and Nanako apart. Don’t do that for my sake.”

“O-okay,” I finally concede.

“Good,” Kanji replies, kissing my cheek. Then he moves away and starts working again. “Tell me more about why you picked this house,” he requests.

I answer all of his questions.


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Kanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A paper from Nanako's school throws Ryoutarou into a fit.

Chapter Thirteen: Kanji

“They’re already asking for volunteers?” Ryou aggravatedly sighs out smoke. He’s holding up a piece of paper that Nanako gave him from school. “They know I’m a single parent!”

“Well what is it?” I ask him, taking the paper away.

I look it over and see that Nanako’s teacher wants parents to come in for observation and activities on different days because they’re a little under budget. It’s also asked that the parents plan an enrichment project for the class.

“Guess my ‘enrichment project’ can be them following me around town looking for petty crooks!” Ryou grouses, clearly angry.

“I can do it,” I volunteer. “It sounds like fun, and I have projects I can bring in.”

“You don’t want to do _that_ , Kanji,” Ryou tells me. He ashes his cigarette, flicking it into the tray. “ _No one_ wants to do that. This is how they get you—Not only do you have the monthly meetings and the take-home logs, but you’ve also gotta show up during working hours!”

“Shh,” I hush him. “You’re gonna upset her. She’s upstairs, but she can probably hear you, y’know...” I put out his cigarette and make Ryou look at me. “This is nothing—It ain’t worth getting so upset over— _I’ll_ do it. Don’t worry so much.”

I take the flyer and carry it upstairs to where Nanako is studying. I knock on her door and she opens it immediately, confirming my suspicion that she was listening in.

“Kanji...” she says, sounding a little disappointed.

“Yeah, it’s me,” I tell her, smiling. I hold up the piece of paper. “What do you say I come to your classroom this year?”

She’s skeptical. “But the _parents_ are supposed to come...”

I wince, knowing I’m not really a parent. “It would really help your dad out,” I try.

“But Dad _said_ you’re like him,” she tries to make to up to me, glancing at me out of the corner of her eyes.

I laugh. “Right! And you know all the projects we do together? You can pick the one you like best and I’ll bring in enough for everyone!”

“Really?” she brightens.

“Oh yeah!” I wholeheartedly agree. “It’ll be loads of fun!”

When she finally agrees, I sign the form and tell her to return it to her teacher. I listed my phone number so the teacher can ask me any questions.

The next day, I do get a call. I’m driving home with Ryou when my phone rings. “H’lo?” I ask.

He motions to pass him the phone if I can because I’m driving. I wave him off when the person introduces himself as Nanako’s teacher.

“Yes, I was going over the forms,” he says. “And you’re not related to Dojima-chan, are you?”

“Well no,” I reply, unsure why that matters. “But I live with her, and have her father’s permission to act as her guardian. We dropped off a form at the school on the first day.”

“Hmm, that’s true...” he replies, unconvinced.

“Is there a problem?” Ryou asks me. I wave him away.

“I got this,” I whisper. “Is there anything I can help you with?” I try again.

“We really wanted the children’s _parents_ to volunteer. It’s good for morale.”

I hold back a sigh. “You know that Dojima is a single parent, right?”

“Yes, but other families make it work.”

 _Even I’m getting irritated._ I can see Ryou looking frustrated too. He keeps asking for the phone.

“This is the way that we make it work,” I tell the man. “Please let me know which days are good and I will be sure to show up. If you need to confirm this with Dojima himself, I can give him the phone.”

“Please do tell him I called—” the guy starts to say, and I know Ryou can hear everything.

He rips the phone from my ear and starts to ask what the teacher’s problem is. “Kanji is a part of our family—No, not legally,” he says in an agitated voice. “Yes well, he’s been a part of this family for a long time... Uh-huh... I don’t _care_ if the other parents complained! We’re doing the best we can, just like the rest of you!”

Ryou thumps the dashboard, definitely mad. “He’s been my boyfriend for a good amount of time and lives with us. I don’t see how this is anyone’s business.”

I pull the car to into the garage and start to worry. _That can’t be good._ _We’ve only officially been together about two months. He wanted so badly to keep things looking good._

“Hey Ryou,” I tap him.

He brushes me off and continues his tirade. “There’s only so much I can do. I’m thankful to have Kanji in my life—Supporting Nanako and I. If any other parents have a problem, have them talk to me _directly_!!”

Then he jams the ‘hang up’ button and grips the phone like he wants to smash it. “Yo,” I say. “Calm down, man!” I take the phone from him and slide it back into my pocket. “You didn’t even get the days I’m supposed to come in,” I laugh nervously.

“I think we’re _both_ going to go in,” he replies. “Together.”

“Uhh, why?” I question.

“You don’t have to take that bullshit, Kanji. If we go together,” he starts to explain. “I’ll deal with anyone who gives us shit. This is a small town. Don’t let the other parents think they can hide behind the teacher.”

He turns to look at me, a worried expression decorating his face. “Anyone give you trouble before?”

“About us?” I question. He nods. “No,” I honestly tell him. “Not that I know of. Nothing’s happened around me.”

“Good.” Ryou pulls out a cigarette and lights it up as he exits the car.

I follow him into the house, carrying the materials I brought home for the weekend. _I wanna finish that dress. I want to do something nice for Nanako—_

“Hey Ryou,” I call over to him.

“What?” he answers from the couch. “You think Nanako’s gotten shit for this?”

“I hope not,” he replies, sounding worried.

“Well you think that’s why she was kinda adamant about _you_ being the one to go in?”

He shakes his head. “Maybe—I don’t know, honestly.”

“You should ask her,” I prompt him.

“Yeah,” he agrees, sighing. “I guess I should.”


	14. Chapter fourteen: Ryou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryoutarou chats with Nanako and resolves the issues at school.

Chapter Fourteen: Ryou

“Nanako,” I wave her over after dinner. “How about we go for a walk to the konbini?”

“Just us?” she doubtfully replies, glancing over to where Kanji is washing the dishes.

I nod. “Yeah,” I confirm. “He’s a little busy tonight.” Her eyes flick over to the dress he’s been working on and I laugh. “Yes, with that. Now come on, we can pick out some snacks for later.”

Nanako smiles shyly and agrees to go with me. I try to hold her hand when we leave the house, but she quickly dodges. _I guess she’s at that age._

I frown. _She still holds Kanji’s hand. Is that also because there’s this division between ‘parent’ and ‘not parent’?_

_Did all of this move too quickly for her?_

I give up and sigh. _It had seemed to be going so well before._

“What is it, Dad?” Nanako questions, when I pull out a cigarette.

“Just thinking,” I reply. “How have things been going at school lately?”

“Good,” she nods. “It’s only been about a month, but I’m getting the best grades, just like last year.”

“That’s good,” I smile around the paper stick. “What about...”

Nanako sighs herself, and it sounds so sad; that noise coming out of her little body. “I already know what you’re going to ask me. The other parents aren’t nice about Kanji.” She looks over at me seriously. “I pay attention, and I can hear them talking.”

“Really?” I reply, keeping my frustration in check. _Why didn’t she say something sooner?_

“I didn’t want him to know,” Nanako admits, as if reading my thoughts. “He tries so hard to help out.”

“He does,” I agree, patting her head. We stop by the riverbank and I finish the cigarette; stick the butt in my portable ashtray. “From now on you should let me know these things, even if they’re sad, okay?”

Nanako sulks, folding her arms and turning away. I have to laugh.

I tap her shoulder so she turns back to me. “I know you think you were protecting him, but if you don’t tell me, it’ll just get worse. I can help too, you know.”

“But you never care about things going on at school,” Nanako complains. “As long as I’m not having any problems, you don’t seem interested.”

“That’s not true,” I protest, feeling a pang of guilt. She fixes me with a look that reminds me a lot of Chisato. “Alright—I could do better,” I admit.

She giggles. “Let’s go get those snacks, Dad.” This time Nanako does grab my hand to pull me along to the store.

The next day at work, I call back that damn teacher, settling things.


	15. Chapter Fifteen: Kanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Ryou's birthday!

Chapter Fifteen: Kanji

"Hey, get up," I whisper loudly, kicking Ryou. "Wake up wake up!"

"Huh?" he says, sounding groggy. "What happened?" He sits up in bed, but he's still half asleep and looks like he's about to pass out. He shakes his head a few times to clear it, and then he's more alert. Ryou is staring at me hard, like he thinks something is wrong.

I giggle and sit up, too. "No it's okay—Everything's cool!"

" _Kanji,_ " he rubs his face and speaks slowly. "Why did you wake me up in the middle of the night if nothing is wrong?"

"Cause it's your birthday!" I grin and Ryou groans. He rolls his eyes and flops back down in bed.

"Are you serious right now? You woke me up because it's—What time is it even?"

I can't stop smiling at him. I hug Ryou and show him the clock on my phone. "It's just midnight. This is the first time we celebrated your birthday together!"

"Can we celebrate in the morning, please?" he complains.

"I wanted to be the first one to say it to you," I protest, laying back down too, and wrapping my arms around Ryou.

He snorts. "Really, Kanji? The only other person who will say _anything_ is Nanako." He rolls over to face me. "You know that, right?" he sarcastically asks me, jabbing my side.

I poke him right back and Ryou grunts at me. "I wanted to be first, that's all. It's selfish, but I wanted it this year."

Ryou watches me carefully. He reaches his hand over to me and slides it under my shirt to rub my side. "You're fine, Kanji. Just lemme go back to sleep..." Soon his hand stills and I can hear Ryou start to snore like usual.

_I'm happy he can sleep so well now. I know he used to be up at all hours of the night before. Staying over, I used to hear him moving around over my head, or he'd come down for a drink or something and then we'd talk for a while._

Since I started sleeping in here, I noticed Ryou's a heavy sleeper. Once he's out, it takes a lot to rouse him.

I smile to myself and hold him until I fall asleep, too.

In the morning, I'm up first again. I let go of Ryou and take his hands off of me. Then I get up and head downstairs. It's a weekday, so if I wanna cook something nice, I have to make sure it's totally ready before we all have to head out of the house.

Yesterday I made us stop at the market so I could get stuff for pancakes. Once the house starts to smell good, I hear movement upstairs. I purposefully left our door open so it would wake Ryou up.

"You made something?" he asks as he walks down the stairs, still in shorts and an undershirt. I nod, focusing on flipping the sweet breakfast food. "For _me_?" I glance over to see Ryou smirking at me all full of himself.

"Yeah," I reply. "You're my boyfriend."

The smirk turns to a genuine smile. "I guess I am. Though I still don't see why you'd want me."

"Don't be a downer," I chide, sliding the pancake onto a dish. I can see Ryou's face fall as I set out a dish with an oversized pancake and his coffee.

He steps right past the table to embrace me. Startled, I let go of the mug and hug him back. "Kanji I—" he barely gets out.

"Hey Ryou," I softly tell him. "Are you okay?" He's clutching my shirt and gripping me hard, like he can't bear to let go.

He gets ahold of himself and backs up to give me space. " _I don't—_ " he sighs. " _Birthdays—_ " He's still stammering but I think I get the message.

"It's okay," I tell him. "Here," I motion to the table. "Eat."

"Kanji—" his voice cracks as I turn back to him. "I love you. I'm sorry—"

"Don't be," I cut Ryou off. "Why should you be? I did all this myself." I take my own plate to the table and stick another plate upside-down over Nanako's. I sit and start to cut into the food. "This is all stuff we'll figure out." I smile at him as I take a bite, and he finally manages a weak smile of his own.

We eat quietly. The only sounds are those of clinking silverware and chewing.

When the food is gone, Ryou sits on the couch to read over today’s work while he finishes his coffee. I wash the dishes and then take my own mug to join him.

I take a seat on the couch next to Ryou. I get right in his personal space, playing around and leaning too close.

But instead of laughing, Ryou groans. "Why do you even _want_ to—" he sighs and puts down his papers. Then he shoves me. "I'm not a good person."

"Because I wanna find him," I say as I rebound back to him and place my hand on the side of Ryou's head, turning him to look at me instead of the floor. "I know that great guy's in there, chained up to your insecurities and I wanna be the one to help him out." I grin even though my stomach is knotting up.

_He thinks he’s shit and I hate that. Why can’t he cut himself some slack?_

He shakes his head and I rub his cheek, laughing. "I know you're a good person, even if you can't see it." I'm adamant about it— _Need him to know that I know he's a good guy._

_That I can see it._

Ryou misreads the situation and kisses me, resting his hand on my leg. _This isn’t..._

_This isn’t the right time for this._

I want this too— _Want it so bad._

_But—_

I draw back and touch Ryou's arm. "Not like this," the words slide out of my mouth.

His face contorts like he's hurting, but I know it's not cause of what I did. He nods and moves his hand so he's hugging me instead, just leaning against me and touching my back.

"If something's wrong, we should fix it," I say. "Not cover it up."


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Kanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys are having a good morning until Ryou gets another call from his sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTES: Ane is like ‘sis’ for an older sister.

Chapter Sixteen: Kanji

Most days I lift weights after Ryou and I eat. It’s a weekend, and I’m taking my time today. Ryou pokes his head into our room near the end of my routine.

“Hey,” he says, grinning at me. “Nanako went out.”

“Okay,” I say, counting the rest of the reps aloud.

“How much longer?” Ryou questions, coming in and shutting the door behind himself.

I set down the weights, finished. “Done,” I tell him. I lean with my elbows on the dresser to catch my breath.

Ryou comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around my chest. “So...?” he asks, impishly licking from my bare shoulder to my ear. I groan and grab his hair, yanking him away as he laughs.

“Lemme guess what you wanna do,” I sarcastically tell him. Ryou snickers and starts rubbing my chest. “I’m all sweaty,” I say, brushing him off.”

“I don’t care,” he replies in a low voice, maneuvering me to the side and backing me into the wall. I roll my eyes smack his head lightly. Ryou laughs, running his fingertips down my side.

I hiss in a breath, sliding my hands up his shirt to reciprocate. Soon he’s yanking it off and tossing it away, pulling me to the floor with him.

“At least move to the bed,” I complain. “Tatami’s rough.”

“You want me to get exercise?” he quips.

I sigh. “This doesn’t count, Ryou.”

“ _I_ think it does.” He pulls me closer by my hips. I start to slide off my shorts but he stops me. “No, like this.” He rubs himself against me and I give him a disappointed look. “Trust me,” Ryou requests.

So I move my body up and down, slowly at first. Ryou smirks and links my fingers with his, pinning himself down. He closes his eyes starts to make noises.

 _More,_ is all I can think. _I want to see more of that._

Starting to move faster, I notice his breathing hitch and he stiffens, bracing himself. I’m done first, but I keep going, making sure it’s good for him too.

Ryou twists and shakes below me, wrapping his legs around me in a desperate attempt to feel more. I push him into the floor, trying to keep grinding us together.

When he’s finally done, Ryou pushes my hands away and rolls us over. He kisses my face, my neck, chest, and all the way down. Then he pops back up and leans on my chest.

“What’s your plan today?” he questions.

“I was thinking...” I hesitate, worried that Ryou will think it’s dumb. He stares at me so lovingly though, that I can’t not bring it up. I pause for another few seconds and then just come out with it. “I wanna start dying my hair again,” I admit. “I miss it. I liked it.”

“That’s fine,” Ryou shrugs.

“R-really?” I question.

He nods. “Yeah. I don’t care—You were starting to make me think something was wrong, the way you were stalling.”

“Oh, uhh,” I hum. “Sorry. I thought it was too childish or punky. I was worried you wouldn’t want me to.”

“Naah,” Ryou reaches up to ruffle my hair. “I don’t care about any of that.” He scoots higher and kisses me before getting up. “So how do you do it?”

“I need to go out and get some bleach,” I explain. He raises his eyebrows. “The kind for hair, but the really strong kind. My hair is _really_ black.”

“I like it,” I can hear Ryou mumble. “It looks...” He regards me, thinking. “Very regal.”

I laugh at that and push my hair out of my face. “I thought that keeping it black it would prove that I don’t care about all that stuff anymore, but I’m realizing that I’m me either way. I should have it if I want it, right?”

“You should,” Ryou agrees, dragging me down the hall with him.

After I’m all clean and dressed, I walk out to the store. I feel a little embarrassed buying the stuff—It’s been a while and it’ll be a very noticeable change. _It’s gonna clash with my new style of dress, too._

I’ve been wearing nicer clothes. _Mostly button downs and collared shirts for work. Or kimono some days. This is going to look out of place._

I suck it up and buy the damn stuff. _I can do what I want._

Back at the house, I notice Ryou arguing with someone on the phone. I walk over and put my arm around him.

Ryou’s eyes go wide and he yanks the phone away from his ear. “ _What?_ ” he nervously asks me, acting weird.

I kiss his cheek. “Nothin’. You just look mad.”

I hear his teeth click together as he grimaces. “It’s nothing,” he sharply whispers, walking outside with the phone.

I take my purchase upstairs to the bathroom and start combing the bleach into my hair. I crack the window so it doesn’t smell too bad, and I notice that I can hear what Ryou’s saying.

“ _No_ , Ane,” he growls at the phone. “Nothing happened while he was here—Nothing ‘happened’ till _last month_!” He pauses and huffs. “It’s a lot better than _some people’s relationships that have no lo_ —I will _not_ watch my mouth! I don’t care that you’re older than me!!”

I crawl over to the window, aware that I’m kind of spying. I watch as Ryou slaps a hand to his face, looking really, _really_ pissed!!

 _‘Ane’? Like his sister?_ I start to put the pieces together. _Like Yuu’s mom?_

“It’s none of your business—!!” he snaps. “I don’t care that he’s Yuu—” He sighs again. “Uh-huh. Uh- _huh_. What’d I say? I don’t care. _Tell her!_ ” And then he stops in his tracks. “ _Oh shit I’m not serious!! Please don’t tell_ —“

_Is there anything I can do? What’s he even talking about? It sounds so serious and upsetting..._

“Yeah, I got it!” Ryou stomps on the ground. “ _Yes_ I was busy on my birthday, what conversation have we been having?! _Cat’s out of the bag_ —I’ve got someone.”

— _Me._

 _It’s about me._ I bite my tongue, feeling pretty crappy. _Did Yuu tell his mom?_ I take out my phone and text my friend. He calls me back immediately and I quietly shut the window.

“H-hey Kanji,” he begins. “I don’t know what you must think, but I didn’t say anything.”

“Okay,” I nod. “I believe you—But what the fuck happened?”

Yuu groans. “I told my mother that Uncle was probably busy during his birthday and she got nosey. I think...” He pauses to count. “This is at least the third time he’s dodged her calls too, which was angering her.”

“So?” I ask.

“They don’t have the greatest relationship,” Yuu explains. “I think Uncle told her about you and she’s been flipping out for the past fifteen minutes or so.”

“Ooh,” I breathe. “I was out at the store.”

“I figured that you weren’t home,” he tells me.

Then we both lapse into an awkward silence. “So now what?” I ask, forgetting and touching my hair. “Shit!” I wipe my hand on my shorts.

“What’s wrong now?” my friend asks me.

“Nothin’—I forgot I had bleach in my hair,” I tell him. “Oh, I’m dying it again.”

“That’s cool,” he replies.

“Soo...” I sigh. “I need to wash this out and then go deal with that.”

“Oh—” Yuu gasps. “I think she’s off the phone. I’ll talk to you later—” He hangs up quickly and I’m left worrying about Ryou.

I stick my head under the faucet and quickly wash my hair. Then I get dressed and head downstairs.

“Ryou?” I call. I peek around the corner and he’s sitting on the couch, drinking already. He’s hunched over with his head in one of his hands, looking upset. “You wanna talk about it?”

He smiles wryly and holds up his jar of shochu. “Just talking with my judgmental sister,” he grunts, then drinks the rest of it and reaches for another. He’s got bottles lined up on the low table.

“It’s the middle of the day,” I frown, picking up the rest of them to put them back in the cabinet. “Ryou...” I sit down beside him while he continues trying to drink himself silly.

Ryou slams his jar on the table. “Bring the rest back,” he orders me.

“No,” I huff. “ _No fucking way!!_ Deal with this like an adult.”

“I _am_ —” he starts.

I sigh. “Drinking till you can’t remember the problem doesn’t count.”

Ryou slumps against me, spent. “She said...”

“What?” I ask him to tell me. I rub Ryou’s head. “Get it out before Nanako gets back tonight. I don’t want you like this around her. It’s not good and you know it.”

“She said I was an awful person.”

My heart sinks. _She really said that? His sister?_

I hug Ryou to me and he groans. “I am, aren’t I? I’m doing something really shi—”

“ _NO!!_ ” I holler. “Don’t you fucking _dare_ say that crap!” I push Ryou away and shake him. “You’re happy and I’m happy and I think Nanako’s happy—Isn’t that what matters?”

He looks up at me so forlornly. “I just don’t know anymore, Kanji. I—”

I cut him off with a kiss and Ryou’s eyes widen. “ _Don’t be an asshole!_ ” I spit at him after I pull away. “If you’re gonna be like this then I really will consider leaving you. _Got that?_ ”

Ryou looks remorseful as he averts his eyes. “It’s—”

“I don’t care ‘what’ it is,” I reiterate. “I love you and you’re gonna respect that. I don’t care what someone says—I know what’s important and I expect you to know, too.”

“You’re right,” Ryou quietly admits, leaning back, his head probably swimming with the liquor.

I put my hand on his forehead, pushing his hair away. “Sober up.”


	17. Epilogue: Kanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys enjoy a nice weekend morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!
> 
> There WILL be a part three, but I'm unsure when. I am working on it now :D

Epilogue: Kanji

I wake up when I hear the door sliding open. I’m laying with my head on Ryou, so it’s not him. I roll over and squint in the darkness.

“I had a bad dream,” Nanako calls to me.

“Oh,” I sit up. “A nightmare?”

“No,” she shakes her head. “Just a bad dream.”

“There’s a difference,” I realize.

“Mmhmm.”

I yawn and push back the covers. “Come over here with us, you don’t need to just stand there.” She hesitantly steps over and sits at the edge of the futon.

“So what happened?” I ask her.

Nanako screws up her face remembering, and I feel bad for asking. I reach to the side and shake Ryou. _He’ll know what to do._

“Huh?” he blurts, startled. “What?”

He rolls over and grabs me, not awake. “No, get up,” I tell him, peeling his arm off of myself. He just tosses his arm over me again and doesn’t say anything else coherent.

“Uhm,” I look back at Nanako, sitting there still looking shaken. “How can I help?”

“Can you sit in my room until I fall back asleep?” she requests.

“Yeah, sure,” I agree and follow her back down the hall. I take a seat at her desk and click on the light. “How about we leave this on for tonight?” _Will that help at all?_

Nanako nods, so I guess it was a good suggestion. “G’night, Kanji,” she says to me.

“‘Night.”

I wait a while, unsure how to tell if she’s actually asleep. _Damn I’m tired._

_Is this what being a parent’s like?_

I must have fallen asleep myself, because then Ryou’s tapping my arm, trying to drag me back to his bed. “Why were you in there?” he questions back in the hall.

“She had a bad dream,” I reply. “You didn’t wake up at all.”

“Oh, ah,” Ryou looks guilty. “Sorry.” I shrug. “She hasn’t had a nightmare in a while...”

I smirk in the darkness, sitting down on our futon. “She said it was a ‘bad dream’. A nightmare is different.”

“Really?” he snarkily asks me. “Did she tell you that?”

“Yeah.”

Ryou scratches his head and sighs. “I wonder where she picks these things up.”

“School?” I suggest.

“Maybe,” he concludes.

We snuggle back under the blankets and stare at each other.

“You know why _I_ got up?” Ryou asks.

“I got cold,” he says, sarcastically sounding neglected. “That’s why I woke up. Someone,” he nudges me. “Left me alone and moved all the blankets.”

“Yeah well,” I start. “Someone wouldn’t let go of me when I had to go to the other room.”

“Really?” Ryou questions.

I laugh. “You wouldn’t let me get up. I was trying to wake you and you kept trying to keep me there.” I roll my shoulders. “Damn sleeping in that chair hurt...”

“Here,” Ryou says, shoving me a little. “Roll over.”

“Why?” I snort. I do as he says and Ryou pushes up my shirt.

“Where are you sore?” he asks me, starting to feel around for knots.

I motion to my left shoulder. I had been listing to the right when he got me up.

Ryou grunts and kneads the area with his knuckles. He pokes at what I’m assuming are knots with his fingertips and I groan.

“Feels good,” I sigh when he finishes. Ryou pulls my shirt back down and lays his head in the hollow between my shoulders. I can feel his stubble poking through my light shirt. “Your face is sharp,” I tell him.

I hear Ryou chuckle. He rubs his cheek against me to be an ass. I reach around and halfheartedly smack him and then he laughs harder.

“Do you want to sleep a little longer?” Ryou questions after a minute of silence. “I should get up, but I doubt you slept well in there.”

“Naah,” I reply. “I’ll be fine. I can always take a nap later.”

Ryou rolls off of me and then moves to the dresser to change. He puts on slacks and a collared shirt. I pull out shorts and a tee-shirt for hanging around the house. _I love weekends..._

We amble downstairs and I start on breakfast while Ryou grinds the coffee. He turns to me when it’s brewing, smiling at me as I make the rolled tamagoyaki.

“That was a nice thing you did,” he says. “Sitting with Nanako.”

“‘Course I would,” I reply. “You think I’d leave her alone when she’s upset?” I don’t mean it to come out so harsh, but it does and then I feel bad.

Ryou chuckles and puts his arm around me. “No, I don’t think you’d do that...” He pauses for a beat. “You do a lot around here. Probably more than I do. I wanted you to know it’s appreciated—”

He grips me tighter. “ _You’re_ appreciated,” he mumbles.

I feel myself grin. I turn to kiss him and Ryou flushes. I laugh at him and he gets embarrassed, pulls away a little.

The food’s done, so I grab his arm and move the omelet off the heat. “Don’t be like that,” I tease. “Don’t hide your emotions.”

Ryou smiles thinly and runs a hand through his hair. “You got me.”

I let him go and start on the soup while Ryou pours us each a cup of coffee. I take mine when he passes it to me. “I’m gonna make tsukemono after we eat,” I announce.

“Really?” Ryou remarks. “Have you done that before?”

“Nope!” I admit. “Might be fun.”

He snorts out some laughter and shakes his head. “ _That’s_ a fun weekend to you?”

“Yeah, so?” I shoot back and he pats my shoulder.

“Whatever you want, Kanji.”

“And, uhh,” I start.

“Hmm?”

“I was thinking that I wanna take everyone out to eat tomorrow. For lunch,” I add.

“Everyone...?” he motions me to go on.

I count off on my fingers. “Well—Me, you, Nanako, and my Ma. We made extra last month and I wanna do something cool with it.”

“That’s—” He shakes his head, at a loss I guess. “That’d be very ‘cool’,” Ryou smiles.

“Yeah,” I nod, stirring the soup a few times. “I was surprised that we came out so far in the black.”

“Well, you’re using your head,” Ryou snickers, poking the side of my head. “You have a lot of good ideas that are going to streamline the business. Especially making the deliveries yourself,” he acknowledges, gesturing with his mug. “Right there, that saves a bunch of money.”

“I have more ideas, too,” I admit. “It’s... _Exciting_.”

“I bet,” Ryou nods.

I shake my head, remembering what else I wanted to say. “You know, I don’t think she would’ve pushed me, but my Ma seems really happy I decided to take over the shop.”

Ryou nods for me to go on. “Yeah. She seems happy to have you around.”

“You really think I’m right?” I question.

“I do,” Ryou confirms. “You’re close...” He makes a face and I can tell he’s thinking that we’re closer than he is with his family. _Any_ of them.

“Yeah,” I nod, ladling out soup for us. I give a shrug. “Everybody’s different.”

“Hnn. You don’t have to dance around it.” Ryou sighs. “I _know_.”

“Well you’re gettin’ closer. Lately we’ve all been eating together and you’ve been doing more things with Nanako on weekends.”

“That’s—” Ryou pinches the bridge of his nose. “ _Thank you._ ”

“Huh?” I breathe.

We carry the food over to the table while he collects his thoughts. “It’s something else you’ve done for me. You do all these _things—_ like going out to eat tomorrow—that bring us closer together. I wouldn’t,” he hesitates. “I _don’t_ think of things like that as often as I should.”

“It comes naturally to you,” Ryou mumbles, taking a seat.

I sit next to him, looking out the sliding door. “Nah,” I reply and he gives me a look. “Well maybe,” I sheepishly correct myself. “But I know it doesn’t for everyone.”

“That’s certainly true.” He takes a few bites of food in silence, looking like he’s considering something. “What do I do for you?” Ryou asks with such honesty that I feel sad—Like maybe he really doesn’t know.

I bite back my first instinct to yell at him. I think he can tell because he chuckles.

“I’m serious, Kanji.”

“Okay, okay!” I burst out, then realize. “Look at that—You make me calm. My attitude is better. I don’t snap at people nearly as much. Can’t you tell?”

“So?” he quips. “That would’ve happened naturally as you got older.”

“No it wouldn’t have. Look at _you_!” I return.

“I’m ignoring that.”

I exhale loudly. “Fine. But still—You make me feel comfortable. Like I’m good enough as me. Like I have someone I want to help and protect.”

Ryou looks like he’s going to make a stink about that last part, but then he sighs and smiles wryly. “You make me feel like that, too,” he confesses.

“That stuff you said earlier, about how I have good ideas. You support me and encourage me and—”

“Well that’s what you do when—”

I groan. “Ryou, shut up! I’m telling you’re doing a good job of it. Just listen!”

He does get quiet. We keep eating and I notice Ryou stealing glances at me until I ask him “what”.

“Thank you.”

“Love you.”

“Nn—Love you, too.”


End file.
